Tired of Fighting
by Kuroseed
Summary: Set just after the baby mishaps with Roxy. Christian and Sy are broken up but can they stay apart? Especially when they start working together. Deals with Sy having to find his own feet and Christian's protectiveness of Syed.
1. Chapter 1

Tired of fighting

Chapter 1: Can't stay away

Syed looked around his apartment, _his_ apartment even after four months it was strange to think of it that way. It wasn't that he had never had a space to himself before, he had lived in a house share in uni with his own room, he had even had a small flat in London and one in Leeds but they had never felt like this. He had never tried to impose any sort of personal mark on them until now. Those flats had felt temporary and blank, the only places that had been homes had been with his family and of course with Christian.

He sighed thinking of him then shook his head he had to get over this. They were friends now, just friends, they had never worked as a couple, too different, too much drama, too much conflict. It was easier to be friends and starting next Monday colleagues. He sighed again this was not going to be fun, but the money was good the hours reasonable and he didn't have the heart to turn away Christian's olive branch. Sometimes he felt as if fate had bound them up too close together they couldn't get away from each other, they tried, how both of them had tried, but they always ended up back together, inevitable. Thinking of Christian always made him feel alone he thought about ringing Tambo but it was getting late he would be eating dinner with his beautiful young bride, stuffing their faces after a long day of abstinence, talking in that coupley way that they did that made him feel even more alone, a thought of sheer horror went through him as he thought that he might soon be uncle Syed.

Shaking the bad thought away Syed walked to the fridge and gazed at the meals waiting for him, that was something he had really gotten the hang of, the first few meals he had made would have fed an army now he froze and refrigerated the excess, a nice stable routine so he only really cooked on a Friday. He grimaced at how incredibly lame that sounded, 'so Mr Masood you're a nice single young man living on your own what are you up to this Friday night? Why I'm staying in and cooking for the coming week'. Suddenly he wasn't very hungry. He slammed the fridge shut and hung his head. A knock went out through his flat and made him jump for one disorientating moment he had thought that the fridge was banging back. Laughing nervously he went to the door and opened it wide wondering mildly who it could be, a tiny slithering of hope wanting to think that it might be his parents, a boy can dream.

"Christian?" He whispered the man's name back to him as he stood in the doorway a small plastic bag hanging from his left hand. He patted nervously at his hair trying to sort it out and failing. And of course he was in a beaten up old jumper and baggy jeans, there should be some innate instinct for when an ex was coming into company so that one could not look like death warmed over. He told his eyes not to dip to Christian's arms, half on display from his tight T-shirt, or his eyes, he met them for a second and felt his heart rise to his throat, yes defiantly must remember to avoid the eyes. He blinked a couple of times before composing himself enough to smile welcomingly. "Good evening. Would you like to come in?"

His stomach pleaded that he say no; already he could smell him and it was making his head dizzy.

"Sure".

He took a dramatic step back to allow him in without the slightest chance of their bodies touching.

Christian noticed how Syed moved back, not wanting to touch him and felt a stab of regret. It didn't work he told himself, he tired to think of all the reasons why he had ended it, the constant trials with his parents, Syed's inability to accept his friends, the way he alienated him with his religion, but looking at him now he wondered what reason any sane man could have of letting this creature out of their arms for a second. Syed was gorgeous, effortlessly and completely unawares, it made him even more stunning. He knew Syed had no idea the way the old jumper clung to him in all the right places, the frayed neck line exposing a hint of collar bone, a hole in the low armpit showing a flash of golden skin on his ribs when he moved, it was fucking intoxicating. Catching himself thinking some very very unprofessional thoughts Christian called himself into check and walked into Syed's flat.

Now there was a strange thought, Syed's flat, Syed was not supposed to have a flat. It was the first time he had ever been in there and he fought for something to say. It certainly was _different_. He realised with a stab just how little he had let Syed change in his own flat, had he ever had a choice in décor? Certainly at home he had no say or with Amira and no, even he had not let him choose a single thing despite his insistence that it was 'their' flat. It was a strange mix, half bachelor, half old spinster with a dash of kitsch thrown in for good measure. Chrome and leather battled with lace and flowers in the lounge and dinging room, from what he could see the little gally kitchen was plain, eighties white appliances efficient with just a little clutter but the kettle was in the shape of a dog and the toaster had picture of Darth Vader on it.

"The place is nice." He commented lamely trying to avoid Syed's big serious eyes.

"Umm…thanks." He whispered back, Christian had almost forgotten how soft Syed's voice was; a little murmur, he always suspected came from being the good son in a loud family. Whereas Tamwar was sarcastic Syed whispered, he wondered what Shabnam did. "Would you like a cup of tea? Coffee? Orange juice?"

"A coffee would be nice, one sug…"

"I know how you take your coffee." He cut though defensively and turned his back on him to walk into the kitchen and Christian shut his eyes in frustrated regret, of course Syed knew how he took his coffee. "Have a seat I'll bring it in to you." Christian sat on the sofa and stared listlessly around, there were two doors to the left one of them was shut but the other was slightly ajar, he could just make out the corner of the bed, so that was the bedroom, the room where Syed…he cut himself off; it would do no good thinking like that. After a little while Syed padded back into the room and sat on the sofa a respectable distance away passing Christian a cup he smiled as he read what it said. 'I love bums'. Syed caught him and smiled shyly. "Tanya's idea of a joke." They smirked at each other. "They're the only ones I've got." He explained in a small voice looking away.

"Well I bet Tamwar loves drinking out of it?" Christian tried to return the mood to the previously upbeat atmosphere. Syed let out a little peel of giggles and Christian felt his stomach tighten at how good it felt to hear that noise again.

"He goes red at the sight of them. Afia said last time that he's going to start bringing his own, but she finds it funny."

"How are the two of them?" Christian wasn't expecting the hard look that Syed gave him.

"Fine, trying for a kid." His voice was dead. Christian busied himself with his cup taking a big gulp. "So is this just a social call?"

"I thought you might want your new uniform." Syed's eyebrows went up slightly. "I got you a medium." He passed Syed a bag and watched as he curiously unveiled the dark navy T-shirt with the words CLARKE'S in white on the front.

"Well…at least it isn't 'absacadabra'." He muttered and stood up and headed for the bedroom presumably to try it on. Christian nearly laughed, he wanted to make the observation that he had licked Syed own cum off his chest he could see him without a top on surely. Syed came back wearing the T-shirt and Christian swallowed. He wondered which would have been better having his ex lover wearing a T-shirt with his name on or wearing the outfit he had bought him. At least this way he would match everyone else he reminded himself trying to tell his body that it was not acceptable to like the way it almost branded Syed as his. "Well I'd say it fits." He shrugged there was silence again.

"So I should probably go."

"Wait!" Syed was almost desperate in his call and Christian froze willingly conforming to whatever was asked of him. "You don't have to go. I'm being silly, you said we should be friends and well…we should be. Would you like to stay for dinner?" Taken back by the gesture Christian could only nod his head Syed smiled at him one of his beautiful beaming grins. "Let's see what we've got." He gestured for Christian to follow him into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and bent over giving Christian a terrific view of his tight little ass. While it had never been a purely sexual relationship Christian could never deny that that was part of it, his Syed was quite a looker. Except he wasn't _his_ anymore. "So we have…lasagne, paella, chicken Alexander or a pasta bake?" He turned his head for Christians answer and narrowly missed him looking.

"Umm…lasagne sounds good."

"You know babe you can back out now if you want." Tanya put her hand on Syed's shoulder. "I mean this can't be easy for you." She had seen more than anyone what had happened to Syed when they broke up.

"No it's ok. It's good in fact." He replied trying to sound more confident than he was. Tanya gave him a sceptical look. "Seriously. In fact…" He looked away guilty. "We had dinner together last night."

"What! And you didn't think to tell me. Syed this is the kind of thing that you ring me up immediately afterwards. Come on boy I'm making the effort to be a good fag hag here, you have to meet me half way."

"It wasn't anything." Syed tensed inside he'd said that about him and Christian before, but he'd been lying then. "He dropped off my uniform and then we have lasagne, we chatted for a bit about work, TV, idle gossip. It was kinda like the old days at Masala Queen before he knew…" Syed trailed off the thought, it had been nothing like that but the lie helped, a little sugar to help the medicine go down, it would do no good to say out loud that what it had reminded him of was when they both started to take their little fling seriously when he was taking care of Christian after he was attacked. "This is going to be fine. Well, wish me good luck."

"Luck." She hit him lightly on the arm he went to head towards the door then stopped in his tracks and turned back nervously.

"This might be a really weird question…but do I look ok?" he opened his arms for inspection. She gratefully ran her eyes down his form and then grinned at him.

"Gorgeous babe, makes me sick to my stomach that you're a fairy." She giggled and slammed him hard on the back. "I'll pick you up for lunch?"

"I'll give you a text." He promised and walked in the gym. His first thought was how 'Christian' it was, straight simple lines, elegant minimalism with just the right about of embellishments, clean neat and everything geared towards health. Syed felt a little intimidated as he walked in and he tried his best to avoid the eyes of the other employees who were giving him curious looks. He felt like it was his first day at school again and nearly considered making a dash for it when Christian appeared from behind some gym equipment.

"Syed, all ready for your first day? Let me show you to your room." Syed's stomach crumbled he looked incredible, his tight T-shirt hugging at the defined contours of his arms, his face bright and cheerful, completely carefree. Syed could only grin and tug nervously at the bottom of his T-shirt wishing not for the first time that he wasn't such a weed. Surrounded by all these fitness freaks he felt like a scrawny teenager again just about to be picked last in P.E. His head down he followed Christian to a small room to the left of the reception when he lifted his head up he gave a little gasp. The room was perfect, it had a huge skylight letting in streams of morning sunlight down onto the expensive looking massage table, there were empty shelves to the left of it with his boxes underneath for him to unpack and piles of soft white towels stacked up nearby. He turned to Christian and tried to keep at least some of the joy from his eyes.

"Christian it's brilliant. Certainly better than Tanya's front room." He smirked and was glad to see Christian grin in response.

"You sure you want to unpack everything yourself? I could ask one of the others to help…oh shoot I should have introduced you round…"

"It's fine Christian." He smiled reassuringly, glad to see that Christian was as nervous about him working there as he was himself. "My first customer isn't till eleven, they're one of my customers from Roxy's, they know me I know them and if I unpack myself I know where everything is. And as for meeting the others…well that can wait till after lunch. I'll be fine." Syed saw Christian reach for him with one large hand and tried to make his jerk out of the way look like a natural movement. He may be ok with working with Christian but he couldn't handle it if he ruffled his hair or touched his cheek, he would crumble completely. He somewhat successfully turned the movement into a fumble for his ipod which he waved rather manically in the air. "You don't mind if I play a little music while I organise?" He asked.

"Of course not. Well I should get going, I'll come check on you in a bit."

"Ok." Syed shoved his headphones in and studied his artist list just so he didn't have to watch Christian leave, correction to watch Christian leave _again_. He had been so wrong, this was not going to be fine at all.

Christian shut the door quietly and tried to force his face to show only pleasantness. He had seen how Syed had flinched away from his touch and it had hurt. He realised he shouldn't have done it but was a habit he found hard to break and sometimes his hands just moved as if they had their own mind. And now they seemed to be itching just to touch that beautiful young man in the room he had just left. He sighed to himself thinking what an outrageously bad idea this was. Cassie grabbed at his arm making him jump momentarily she smiled sheepishly as way of apology, next to her Lee tried to hold back a giggle watching his boss jump like a little girl.

"_Who_ is that?" Cassie asked her eyes serious yet sprinkled with mischief. She was the receptionist and had been Christian's PA after Syed, Christian liked her, she was fun to be around but got on with the job often reminding some of the younger members that they were there to work not gossip around the water cooler all day.

"The new masseur." Christian replied darkly. Lee's eyes lit up with interest.

"Really? Well…" He rubbed his neck theatrically. "I have been getting this nasty twinge in my…"

"Don't even think about it." Christian warned. "I don't want any inter office romances ruining what we've got here." He made his excuse trying to ignore the way that Cassie's brow furrowed in suspicion. "Now don't you have work to do?"

"Yes, sir." He gave a little salute and mopped off. Cassie however stayed staring at him.

"You wanna explain that little outburst?" Christian looked at his feet. "I'm here all day so unless you wanna give me a day off you had better spill."

"Well I guess you're going to find out when he introduces himself anyway. But no one else knows so not a peep." She crossed her heart with one finger. "That's Syed." Her eyes went huge.

"Syed! As in love of your life Syed? As in the man you had no choice but to give up even though you still loved him Syed? Are you nuts Christian?"

"Look I've had all this from Rox so don't even bother."

"Well Roxy is right." She stopped and gave a little shudder. "Can't believe those words came out of my mouth." She muttered to herself, despite everything Christian couldn't help but laugh at her reaction to his best friend, many times they had almost come to blows when Roxy was trying to get Christian to bunk off work to play with her. Syed never had a problem with it, all he had to do was bat his eyelashes and Christian snapped to heel he forced that image away, it was too late for all that now. Luckily the phone began to ring and immediately caught her attention she never broke eye contact with Christian though as she walked towards it. "Not over Christian, not by a long shot." She warned and Christian used the time to escape only to run into…

"Tanya!" He smiled falsely and kissed her on the cheek. "You here to work out?" He asked knowing full well that she was most likely here for Syed.

"Actually I'm here to see Syed he left his phone with me by accident." Christian smiled a little smugly for guessing right.

"Follow me I'll take you to his room." He could have just taken it from her but he was in no hurry to be in the same room alone with Syed. He pushed open the door and couldn't help but smile gently at the sight that greeted them. Syed was pulling lotions and creams from the boxes and putting them up on the shelves dancing away to whatever was playing on his ipod pausing, Christian could just about here the muttered whispering of him singing along.

"All these things that burn me you never can tell." He swung his head with each word. Beside him Tanya collapsed into giggles, picked up an empty cardboard box and flung it at Syed's back who jumped in the air with shock and then turned bright red at being caught. Christian had always liked Syed's look of embarrassment, it had usually meant he'd done something particularly bad and Syed would be pretending to be angry but really he was…again Christian brought himself back into the situation, they were employee and employer now it wouldn't do well to remember how far down that blush really went. Syed yanked the ear phones out and the faint buzz of the song hung in the air like a babbling excuse. Syed opened his mouth to say something but was clearly too embarrassed to do so. Luckily Tanya saved him.

"You forgot your phone ,babe." She threw it at him and he caught it clumsily and muttered his thanks. "You still on for lunch?" He nodded his head not looking at either of them.

"What? Isn't that a bit cruel?" Christian asked. Tanya just looked at him confused. "It's Ramadan he can't eat during the day." That was why he had showed up so late the other night for fear of interrupting some personal moment of Syed's confusing and complex religious practices.

"Actually," Syed's soft tones finally came out and he stared down Christian defiantly. "I'm not observing this year." It took Christian a moment to think why Syed would be looking at him so coldly and then he remembered he had forgotten Ramadan every other year they had known each other and he choose to remember it now they were parted, he coughed and gave a humble nod to Syed and left.

Syed sprawled on his sofa trying to ignore the bubble of tension sitting in his chest. Really he had no reason to be feeling this tense. Work was going well for a first day, the people seemed friendly, he hardly ever had to see Christian, unlike at Roxy's here the customers actually showed up and he was surprised at how little guilt he felt ignoring Ramadan.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked aloud to his flat. The restless nagging feeling persisted throughout his body, suddenly it throbbed down to a very obvious part of his anatomy, his eyes widened in realisation, it was base human contact that he was craving, he laughed quietly at his own analysis. "That's a very nice way of saying you're horny, Syed." He mocked himself. He rolled over to his back and stared morosely at the ceiling, it had been four months since he had even had an erotic thought, he shut his eyes and fell back on the easiest release of tension there was. He opened his trousers slowly trying to build some tension to try and distract his mind from the pathetic fact that he was alone in his flat on his sofa about to have a wank. He shook his head and tried desperately to concentrate. He imagined he was being kissed, strong hands pressing through his hair forcing the angle of his head to deepen the kiss. He smirked to himself with satisfaction as his body started to respond. He made the imaginary figure kiss lower sliding a muscular body down his form, tearing off his clothes and slowly taking claim to the skin underneath. Then he imagined a hand sliding in-between the fabric of his boxers and his skin running tantalisingly slowly down his length before gripping it firmly, moving their head back up to his whilst increasing the rhyme sucking at the sensitized skin of his neck then stopping to find his ear and whisper softly.

"Fuck you're beautiful, Sy."

"Christian." He murmured back aloud and instantly his arousal vanished like he'd be doused by cold water. Annoyed with himself he sat up resting his head in his hands. He supposed it was inevitable really, after all since June of 2009 Christian had been responsible for every single one of Syed's orgasms in one way or another. Sex meant Christian and if he was forced to rely on nothing but his own imagination of course it was going to come back to that time and time again. That dull aching tension was still all around him, he sighed and tried to think back to what he used to do before Christian. Go to some anonymous club and let some stranger touch him. It wasn't a partially brilliant or inventive idea but it seemed like his only option at the moment. He fastening his jeans and took a moment to sort his hair out and throw on a tight black T-shirt. He looked at his terrified face in the mirror and frowned, this was different he told himself, he wasn't some closet case out for a disgraceful release of built up tension, he was out and if not proud then certainly less ashamed, there was nothing wrong with what he was about to do, nothing! He was just a single gay man going out to club and if he met someone that was great and if not then he could just come home, he took a deep breath and flung himself away from the sink and out the door before he could change his mind.

_**I hope that wasn't too bad. As you may have guessed from him not observing Ramadan in this story Syed will have a bit of a rejection of his faith, mainly because I always thought it would be interesting to see. So in the next chapter would people actually want to see Syed be a bit of a party boy or just have it hinted at? Also the song that Sy was listening to was Whirring by The Joy Formidable. I always wondered what music he would even like as I am pretty sure any music playing in their flat was Christian's.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Superman

It had been eight days and Christian didn't know if he was happy or sad that Syed was making so many friends at the gym. He had that natural charm and easy way that made people flock to him. Even Cassie was starting to thaw to him though she resolutely reassured Christian that she was still on his 'team'. Lee especially used any excuse that seemed remotely feasible to get near him, dropping pencils and asking him to pick them up for him purposely doing his workouts when he knew Syed would be about. When Christian had talked to him about it, he had rolled his eyes and said that there was nothing wrong with looking. Despite everything, even Syed's apparent resolve to stay as far away from him as possible, it was good to see him every day again. He had missed him, missed the way he ran his fingers through his hair, missed the way his brow furrowed when he was concentrating, and the way he bit at his thumb when he was nervous.

"Here you go, boss." The sight of the man in question in front of him broke Christian out of his thoughts, he took a second to look at him and caught him mid yawn, he waited until he was done before taking the time sheets from out of his hands.

"Cheers for coming in just to do that, Sy." He smiled, trying to keep it friendly.

"Ah, its ok was probably a good thing to get out of bed anyway." He mumbled and Christian couldn't help but grin, he remembered just how hard it was to get a sleepy Syed out of bed.

"Late night?" He asked, suddenly desperate to keep him in his eyesight for just a few more seconds. Syed shrugged his shoulders.

"Went out to some club." Came the non committal reply, it struck Christian as odd, Syed hated clubs, some of his confusion must have shown in his face because Syed felt the need to shamefully add. "I was lonely." Christian's heart nearly broke at the three words spoken low and to the ground, he placed one hand on Syed's arm feeling the heat coming through the thin fabric of his T-shirt.

"You should have given me a call, I could have come over and…" Christian took in the deep blush coming up over his face. 'Oh,' He thought to himself '_that_ kind of lonely'. He felt his heart burn slightly and couldn't help the bitter question coming to his mind; was Syed in such a rush to get back to his bed because there was someone in it. The idea that some man might have touched Syed last night, this morning, it made him want to be sick, he knew he had no right, he had slept with men since but something primal screamed in his head that Syed was _his_ that he should go find whoever might have touched him and _hurt_ them.

This possessiveness was nothing new to him, he had felt it since the first time they were together after that unexpected kiss in the unit. Christian had been with first timers before and while it was obvious that Syed was not very experienced he had been with a man before. They had never discussed any of the supposed 'four' that had come before and Christian was in no hurry to hear about them now. Images snapped through his mind in quick succession.

_Christian had just got Syed back to his flat, they hadn't spoken since that first kiss now they sat on his sofa their lips never parting. Christian had not been blind to the charms of the soft spoken young man but he had thought it a lost cause and the threat of Zainab castrating him had kept him from so much as flirting with Syed. But now with him here in his arms how could he resist. Gently he put his fingers at Syed's waist and rucked up his shirt feeling the soft warmth of his naked torso as he did. Suddenly Syed went bolt still and then pulled back, his head down. A shiver of fear went through Christian and he held his breath waiting for Syed to push him away and leave, but he didn't he simply pulled his shirt back down with a hard tug._

"_Is that really necessary?" He asked Christian in a quiet voice. Christian couldn't help but laugh back._

"_What? For you to have your top off?" He laughed again. "Necessary? No, but preferable." He went to kiss Syed again but he pulled back still looking at him with big serious eyes. "Sy, are you nervous about me seeing you without your top on?" He gave the briefest of nods. Christian chuckled at the back of his throat and placed one hand on Syed's face smoothing over the rough stubble and over his lips in one big sweep. "I've seen you topless before you know." Syed's already huge eyes doubled in size and he stared slack jawed at Christian looking at him as if he had just admitted to having a secret peephole to watch him through. "Getting changed at the unit." He explained._

"_Yeah, but this is different." Syed muttered. Christian smiled reassuringly at him and kissed him again gently only because he just couldn't not._

"_Yeah, your right, this is different. This time you're taking it for me." He could hear the possessive edge to his own voice and it stunned him, he was never like this with lovers, bit this was different, so very different. Syed smiled slightly and with a look of summoned courage pulled his shirt up over his head and tossed it absently to the floor. Christian raked his eyes over the young man in front of him before grabbing hold of the back of his head and pulling him in demandingly close and whispering in his ear the words that he would repeat over and over that night. "You're beautiful." _

Christian forced himself out of the memory and looked at the calm young man before him, not a hint of nervousness in his stance, so comfortable now in his own skin. He was still so beautiful. He couldn't help himself, he knew he shouldn't but he just couldn't' help himself.

"I'm on lunch soon, you wanna grab a bite to eat? Or just a very strong coffee?" His breath caught in his throat as he waited for some response. Syed's face broke into that boyish grin.

"Sure…" Then it fell. "Oh dammit, I can't sorry. My landlord's gotten all obsessed with kitting the flats out, he's installing this intercom system where you can play your music in every room, it's a bit too…unnecessary for me but he's the landlord. I have to be in to let the technician in, I should probably go now, actually." He looked up at Christian with those big eyes of his then grinned again. "Tell ya what, come round tomorrow, you can have a muck about with it, I'll make us some dinner."

"Sure!" Christian winced for agreeing with far too much enthusiasm but Syed seemed to pretend it had never happened. He was just walking off when Lee ran up to him and grabbed his shoulder.

"Hey, Syed, last night was epic! You up for it again tonight?"

"I dunno, Philippe invited me to come out but I'll see how I'm feeling." Christian prickled at the unfamiliar name.

"Well you've got my number let me know where you are."

"Will do." When he was safely out of sight Christian moved up to Lee and tried his very best to act casual.

"You were out with Sy, last night?" He asked.

"Yeah, only for like a half hour then they left for some new opening."

"They?"

"Yeah, Syed and Philippe, he's…well he is just stunning. You would have a fit if you saw them together bossman!" The little ball of possessiveness exploding in Christian's chest, he had to find out who this Philippe person was, he just had to.

"I'm sorry can you go through it again?" Syed asked his bottom lip caught in his teeth. The technician, 'you can call me Rob', smiled at him and started to explain how it worked again. It wasn't Syed's fault that he happened to be exceptionally fit and thus extremely distracting. He had nice arms, Syed like arms, he liked arms a lot. He liked the way the muscles made them curve, liked the shifting shapes as the muscles contracted and relaxed, like how they felt around him, under him. And this guy his arms were almost as good as…He mentally shook his head, he wasn't going there again. Though he couldn't help but smile at the idea of Christian being so happy to come round for dinner, he had pretended not to notice but when Christian Clarke is enthusiastic about something he finds it very hard not to let it show. It was one of the things that Syed loved about him, he thought back on what he had said to Tamwar not so very long ago in the café 'Mr one hundred per cent'. Yes, he thought to himself, it was the thing he loved most about Christian. A chill went down his spine and sobered him immediately. It was the thing he _had_ loved most, _had had had_ he repeated it mentally over and over like a mantra. He was not still in love with Christian Clarke. He reminded himself sensibly, he was his employee, his friend now and…the idea died in his mind, it was pointless to lie to himself. He sighed despondently and then looked up only to see a look of amused sympathy in the handsome chiselled face before him.

"Oh come on now, it's not that hard." Rob mocked. "Plus if you can't master it with me here how will you impress your girlfriend with it."

"I'm…I mean I don't…I'm not…" He doesn't need your sexual history, Syed, he told himself. He was only making a passing statement. "I don't have a girlfriend." He finished lamely.

"Oh?" He watched as Rob's dark eyebrows lifted high and caught the slight smile on his lips, no more than a twitch. Then his face relaxed into normality again. "Well why don't you try turning it on and I'll watch and make sure you know what your doing." Syed jumped to his feet from his place leaning against the back of the sofa and strode over to the strange chrome device now implanted in every room of his flat. His fingers hovered over the buttons and he could feel his frown coming now in-between his eyebrows. There was a deep chuckle behind him and suddenly an enticing warmth up his back as a body pressed against his, nothing overt just the brush of a hard chest against his back, strong slightly calloused fingers took his and rhythmic breathing brushed against his right ear moving his hair back and fore slightly as Rob's face came ever so close. Syed's blood started to heat at the feelings he had almost forgotten. "See it's this one." Rob made his finger pressed down on the button. "Then this one, and then that there is the volume. Got it?" Syed swallowed against a very dry throat.

"I think so." It came out in a breath he turned and the two men smiled at each other. With a look of obvious reluctance Rob glanced at his watch on the wrist of the hand which still held Syed's.

"Shoot, I've got to get the rest of these flats done by the end of the day. Give me a minuet and I'll get you the instructions." Syed nodded and walked away a little relieved to have the pressure broken, if he hadn't known any better he would have sworn that this guy was interested in him, he chuckled lightly at the thought. A moment later Rob pressed a comprehensive booklet that Syed was sure he would never even glance at again into his hands, it would have a place of honour in the top right hand side draw in the kitchen along with the kettle's manual and the instructions for assembling his coffee table. But he thanked Rob nonetheless. "If you get in any trouble my numbers in the guide." Once he was gone Syed slumped down as if all the air had gone out of him. That familiar tension was back now, if anything it was more than before. He got out his phone and selected his number, he only had to wait two rings before he got an answer.

"Philippe? Hi, it's Syed. I was wondering if you still wanted to go out tonight? Sure? That soon? What were you waiting for me to call? Ok, see you in a little bit then. Bye." He hung up and flung the booklet in its place before taking a quick shower and going to his wardrobe, he always steeled himself slightly before opening it trying to make it easier when he looked inside. It was rather pathetic. Being gay, he mused, had really taken a toll on his clothing. The first time he was chucked out from home for it his mum burnt all his clothes, the second time she gave them to a charity shop, Christian had taken him shopping the second week they had been living together and bought him some new ones so when they had spilt he had gotten rid of most of them in the great Christian Clarke purge that Tanya had demanded he do. He had bought some new things but it was hard to get excited buying clothes by himself and when he went with Tanya she would never go into any shops he wanted. In the end he had just gone to the market and bought six plain T-shirts in a couple of colours, his jumper which had quickly become his favourite and consequently turned to rags, some plain jeans and one shirt, for job interviews. Even with the T-shirts hanging up on hangers it looked very very very pathetic. He had no idea where Philippe might be taking him, he had said it would be a surprise and Syed had learnt quickly over the past eight days that with Philippe anything was indeed possible. Thinking that it was better to be safe than sorry he had better go for the shirt, a straight collared slightly too big forest green number with his white T-shirt underneath, he was just starting to wonder if his boots would look ok if they went anywhere nice when the buzzer went breaking his thoughts. He dashed into the living room and pressed the button to let him up, only instead radio 4 started playing at top volume throughout the flat.

Christian felt nervous, which of course was ridiculous. He and Syed had had dinner before, many times in fact. It wasn't like they hadn't even had dinner alone together since they were just friends, they had. Still he brushed the sweat off his palms and onto his jeans before ringing the buzzer. For a while there was nothing, he pressed it again.

"Christian!" He looked up and there hanging out of the window was Syed's upper body, from behind him exceptionally loud music was blaring.

"Having some trouble with the new intercom?" Christian asked.

"Can't hear you. I'm having some trouble with the new intercom! Can you let yourself in?" He dropped his keys down to Christian who caught them expertly, letting himself in swiftly and taking the steps two at a time to help his friend out. He nearly bumbled right into him at the door. He looked adorable, his face meshed with frustration and confusion slamming his finger into numerous buttons, not even giving the machine enough time to register what he had hit before trying something else. "Hey!" He bellowed to Christian over the wall of sound. "Couldn't get me the manual could you? Sorry about this!"

"It's fine! Where is it?" Christian bellowed back.

"Kitchen top right hand drawer!" He found it instantly and opened it up ready to provide any useful information, a small piece of paper slipped from the pages. He bent down to pick it up. 'if you need any help or just want a meal-Rob' and below a number. Christian scowled at the paper, whoever this 'rob' was he obviously had interest in Syed. His jealously won out over morality and he scrunched the paper up into a ball and stuffed it in his pocket. Rob would have to wait a long time for Syed to call him now! Feeling a little better, though guilty he strode back and between the two of them they stopped the awful noise and sat victorious on the couch.

"You been doing that much?" Christian teased.

"Only anytime someone buzzes." He confessed sheepishly. "I've got to learn how to use the bloody thing or I'm going to get an asbo or something." Christian laughed at the idea.

"Think, you could be out picking up rubbish with the chavs and vandals by next week."

"Don't!" A timer dinged in the kitchen and Syed went to go sort out whatever it was that was done. "You hungry?"

"Ravenous, what we having?"

"Vegetable moussaka."

"Oh?" Christian tried to hide his disappointment and screwed up his courage ready to eat whatever was put on his plate. Suddenly he heard a little chuckle.

"Gotcha!" Syed smiled at him. "I made a lamb shank with mashed potato, roasted vegetable and gravy. I know you can't stand lentils. The last time I made moussaka you pulled a face like Amy with a piece of broccoli!"

"If I recall I eat the whole thing." Christian reminded him. Syed's face went very serious, a hint of amusement on his face but something so concentrated in the way his brows folded.

"Yeah." He admitted softly staring at Christian with those big intense eyes. "Yeah you did."

Dinner was fine, the conversation went to safe subjects, work, local gossip and general aspects of their lives, nothing overly personal. Syed told him all about his neighbours and how sure he was that the man who lived below him was a spy with all the electrical equipment he seemed to be buying. It felt good, it felt easy. When they were finished and had lingered on coffee for as long as they could Christian realised he should leave.

"Well, we both have work early tomorrow. I should…I should get going."

"Sure. Oh I almost forgot, stay right there." Syed rushed out of the room and into his bedroom, he came back with a bag which he presented to Christian with a nervous little shuffle of his feet. "I got you something, to say thank you for hiring me and everything." Christian opened the bag and pulled out a blue T-shirt as he unfolded it he saw the red S with a yellow background. It was a superman T-shirt. He looked shocked at Syed for a second, but the younger man wouldn't meet his eye. Carefully he put the T-shirt back into the bag.

"Thank you, it's…it's lovely." He whispered, pleaded to see Syed blush at the compliment. "Well I should get going. I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow." Syed agreed.

Christian looked at him, all he wanted to do was beg him to come back to his flat with him, not just for one night but forever, but he didn't, he just left.

He only got halfway home before Roxy rang him demanding to know how it went, he agreed to tell her everything if she'd meet him at R&R. He needed a drink, he looked down at the bag and grinned to himself. The words Syed had said to him so long ago now echoed in his mind. 'I think you can do anything you choose to do. I think your superman.' He knew now he still loved him, and he knew he was going to get him back. How could he fail? He was superman.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three: meeting ghosts (warning there is some racism in this story but it in no way reflects my own opinion)

Christian woke up with a stranger in his bed and a drill in his head. It wasn't a good way to start the day. Gingerly he dragged himself out of bed trying to remember what it was that had happened last night. The T-shirt. He looked down, he was still in it. He couldn't help but smile. Syed. He wanted him back. Then he went out with Roxy and then there was far too much alcohol. He looked over to the man he was sharing a bed with. With a slight feeling of self loathing he realised he couldn't even remember the blokes name.

"Classy Christian, real fucking classy." He muttered to himself. The man stirred jerking awake and then blinking repetitively. It didn't take a genius to work out why he had slept with the man. Those big brown eyes and thin limbs were all too familiar. But he wasn't the man he wanted. He shook him gently and watched as he finished coming round. "Sorry, but I have to go to work." He said lamely cringing at the implication. The man however seemed to think nothing of it, thanked Christian for a good night and left. Christian had a hot shower, tried and failed to eat some toast and then went to work. Unfortunately for him Cassie was in full swing by the time he got there. Christian was not in work mode, he was in sit at his desk and drink enough water to drown an elephant mode.

"The new shipment of weights has come in, the forms for the new members need processing and the insurance is up for renewal." She listed off the numerous tasks that Christian had to but felt no desire to accomplish.

"Cass, you couldn't go out and get me a cup of coffee?" She glared at him.

"I have things to do."

"What things?" He whined.

"I have to look over the results of our DDA audit and then I'm doing payroll. Oh and Mr Jamerson rescheduled so I have to go tell Syed, and then make sure that Lee knows what he's doing today. Not to mention man the phones!"

"Well I'll sort the lads out for you." He offered. She looked at him hard for a second then sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Fine. But you see to the boys, if you forget this is the last time you ever get a cup of coffee from me you understand?" With that she strolled off. Lee was easy all he had to do was get him to roll off his duties. Syed on the other hand…Christian almost didn't want to see him, he felt guilty, like he had cheated on him last night. He knew it was ridiculous, after all he had slept with more than one person after their breakup. But this was different, this was after he had decided that he wanted him back. He should have gone home alone. Syed turned surprised to see him when he entered the door. The look on his face clearly said. 'You're not Mr Jamerson.'. Christian wanted to laugh but he didn't.

"Your nine o'clock rescheduled." He informed him, looking into those warm chocolate eyes. He had been way off with that stranger last night, his eyes were nothing like this.

"Oh." That perfect mouth formed a little 'o' and all Christian wanted to do was hold him. Just a cuddle, just to feel him up against him again. "When is he rescheduled for?" Syed asked, Christian paled, he hadn't even thought of that.

"I…I don't know." Syed laughed, that incredible bubbly laugh that made his head duck down. It was lovely to hear but it made his head throb. Christian's hand went unconsciously to his head with the pain. Syed's face crinkled with sympathy and he went straight to Christian, his hands on his shoulder.

"Rough night?" he asked gently.

"You can say that again." Christian groaned. Syed laughed again, this time a quiet little snuffle. Then he took a few spaces back and jumped up on the counter of his room.

"Come here." He gestured with his head and held his arms out for Christian, his legs slightly spread. Christian froze in shock, wondering if he was really suggesting what he thought he was. He paused for too long and Syed shook his head disparagingly. "Oh come on, what's the point in having a masseur on your payroll if you can't take advantage of it every now and then?" Finally cottoning on, Christian walked over and stood in-between Syed's legs facing away from him. He shuddered with pleasure as Syed's fingers dug expertly into his shoulders then moved around his neck. This wasn't just the massage of someone who knew how _professionally _this was the massage of someone who knew how to massage him _personally_. Syed's fingers moved to where he wanted them seeking out and relaxing all the tension. He growled out his pleasure when Syed's hands went to his scalp kneading through the headache. It felt incredible, all he wanted to do was turn around to press himself up against this stunning creature. Push him back against the surface, drag his clothes off and…Christian caught himself just in time and tried to force his breathing under control. He was just getting there when the door opened and Cassie was stood with a cup of coffee and a very suspicious look. Guiltily Christian jerked forward away from Syed, unable to look at Cassie knowing the glare she would be giving him.

"There's your coffee, Mr Clarke." She pressed it into his hand and then turned to Syed who was sat perfectly innocently on the counter as if it was his place in the world. "And you have a visitor." She informed him. His brow furrowed and he cocked his head slightly.

"Funny I thought, Tanya was too busy today." He muttered low to himself.

"It's not Tanya, its some guy called Philippe." Christian watched as Syed's eyes lit up with the name, it was like someone had shot him seeing that reaction. Syed leapt off the counter and headed to the door. Christian morosely followed. Just outside a man was waiting. He was tall and slightly muscular in frame. His hair was black, long and pushed back from his face it fell in artful little strands by his face. His eyes were forest green and shone out of his handsome pretty boy face. He was wearing some expensive looking grey suit, perfectly tailored, with a close fitting waistcoat under it. Christian hated him. He smiled at Syed and then rushed forward to give him one slight peck on the cheek. Christian hated him even more.

"Philippe, what you doing here?" Syed asked, his hand still resting on the other mans forearm. They looked roughly the same age but the suit gave Philippe an air of maturity.

"Well Ray gave me a text said he was keeping a table for me at 'Romea' for lunch and I came to ask if you wanted to join me?" He arched one eyebrow cockily, there was still a slight French twang to his accent, Christian hated him even even more. "It's booked for one o'clock."

"'Romea' that place we went to the other night. Philippe I can't go there, I only have my uniform, I'll feel like a right idiot."

"Relax." He stroked one finger up Syed's cheek and Christian felt his blood start to boil. "I picked your shirt up from the drycleaners today, it's in the Phantom."

"You didn't have to get it cleaned." Syed whispered ashamedly to his feet.

"No problem, besides it was my fault it got dirty. I should have told you it was a foam party." 'foam party' Christian's mind screamed, his sweet innocent little house body of a Syed did not go to foam parties.

"True." Syed laughed. Behind him Christian coughed loudly and Syed swung around like a caught school boy, then he flushed and looked away. "Sorry, umm, Philippe Bessette this is my boss, Mr Clarke." Christian's brow creased at the unusual introduction, then forced himself out of it to grasp Philippe's hand too hard. The man acted as if it was fine, but he could tell from his eyes that he was hurting him.

"Nice to meet you Mr Clarke, Syed talks of you often."

"All good I hope. And you can call me _Christian_, Sy usually does." Christian added smirking then watched as Philippe's face turned purposefully and slowly towards Syed with a slight amused look. Obviously he knew who he was.

"Oh yes, he has said some wonderful things about you." The tension between the two of them was huge. Cassie walked into it her eyes flicking from each of the three men then finally ended on Syed.

"Syed, I need you to sign some forms." Syed looked startled at the question then awkwardly flicked from Christian and Philippe who were still smiling amicably at each other far too close. Christian could see him in his peripherals desperately not wanting to leave them alone.

"Umm…"

"It's ok Sy. I can show your little friend out." He said not even bothering to keep the menace from his voice. After one little nod from Philippe Syed scampered away throwing them little anxious looks over his shoulder.

"You know Syed really has said some lovely things about you. The three of us should all go out one night. In fact, why don't you come out with us tonight? One of my friends has a new club opening." He fished out a card from his inside pocket and handed it to Christian, it read 'Wild Q' and an address. "The music might not be to your taste, might be a little young for you." Christian clenched at the insult but said nothing. "But if you can come, I'll put your name on the guest list. Well hope to see you there. Goodbye Mr Clarke, so very nice to meet you at last." With that he slinked away leaving Christian fuming, the little card crumpling in his hand. He really really did not like that guy.

"So, when were you going to tell me that Mr Clarke your boss and Christian the love of your life were one and the same?" Philippe asked resting his cheek in one hand and smiling at Syed from across the table.

"Umm…never." Syed sighed and played with the ice in his empty glass. "I'd had enough of everyone saying what a bad idea it was, and since you never knew us as a couple I thought, why not just have a break from it all." Across from him Philippe's eyes turned sympathetic. "But you didn't have to talk to him like that, you know."

"I know, it was fun though, acting the jealous boyfriend. Though I must admit I'm a little disappointed with you Syed. Christian looks nothing like I had planned."

"Oh?" He wondered if his friend was about to critic his taste in men, which would be strange as to him Christian was the most attractive person he had ever seen.

"Yeah I pictured you with some equally sweet looking young twink. I guess that's just my thing." Syed laughed at the implication.

"I know I've seen your dvd collection. And I am not a twink!"

"Yeah you are!" Philippe laughed at him but then turned deadly serious. "Syed, did you do what I told you to?"

"Mostly."

"And what does that ambiguous answer mean?"

"Everything apart from my Koran."

"Syed, you have to get rid of it _all_. They will never accept you as you are, for Pete's sake they looked like they were going to burn you at the stake." He reached out one hand and grabbed Syed's. "I know its hard Syed. I know your faith has been your crutch. But you will never stop feeling the guilt until you give it up." Syed hung his head, part of him thought that Philippe was right, since the incident he had tired to turn his back on his community, but to turn his back on Allah. It was almost unthinkable. But he was doing it, he hadn't prayed in days, he didn't observe Ramadan. He shut his eyes and tried to think of it another way, he was no longer confined to the behaviour expected of him. It sounded better, it sounded like a choice. Some of it _was _a relief, not feeling like a sinner every time he prayed, not having to go to mosque knowing what they would _really_ think of him. But it also meant a hole in his chest where Allah's love used to be. Sometimes that was enough by itself to make him hate himself. But that was nothing new. "Throw it away, Syed. You'll feel better. In fact let's go now." Philippe stood up and gestured to the table, he was a regular so he could pay whenever he liked. Unsure Syed stood and they drove in Philippe's Phantom back to his flat. Philippe followed Syed in and then watched while he fished out his Koran. He held it in shaking hands pressing the book into his hands. With a deep breath he did it, dropped the book as if it was meaningless into the bin and then looked at Philippe for his comforting smile. He _did_ feel lighter. More in control now. He smiled back and the talk turned to happier things before Philippe drove Syed back to work with a cheerful goodbye and the last planning of meeting that night.

Christian felt old, ancient even. He was the oldest person in the club. He had no idea what the music even was, by the sounds of it some guy was sad that he left his girlfriend in the laundrette. It was not what he was used to at all. Roxy seemed to be having a good time, but she always did in gay clubs, which it seemed from the distinct lack of the fairer sex this was. They got some drinks for free, it seemed that word had spread that Christian was here on Philippe's' invitation. The implication made Christian's drink taste bitter. Two drinks later and a lot of looking around Christian still couldn't find Sy. He was starting to feel a little stupid and a bit like a stalker again. What was he planning on doing anyway? He was just thinking of leaving when he saw him. It was Syed, at least it looked like Syed. But he had a bottle of beer in his hand and was dancing around like an idiot in a crowd of men. That was not Syed. Christian had never seen Syed do anymore than tap his foot to a beat, though he had heard stories of his pre wedding dance extravaganza from Jane. But this man was flinging himself about to the music which was now a much dancier track with a strong beat that seemed to be called 'The Geeks were right'. And based on the movement of his lips this Syed doppelganger knew and liked the song very much. Leaving Roxy in the dust he stormed over, luckily he could see no trace of Philippe. But Syed seemed perfectly at home with the other blokes. He swung Syed around by the shoulder and saw those beautiful eyes go swimmy for a second before settling on him.

"Christian!" He threw his arms round him in a tight hug. Even in this situation it was still incredible so feel him against him. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Philippe invited me." He barked and watched Syed grin amused at his anger.

"Ok calm down." He giggled. "Oh oh you have to meet everyone. Guys this is Christian! Christian this is…Eric Chambers my divorce lawyer." A rather uncomfortable man reached for Christian's hand.

"And I'm not gay by the way." He added nervously.

"His brother Nigel."

"I am though." Nigel said winking at Christian.

"Ade and Max." Syed made no distinction about which of the couple were which and they seemed to be in no rush to separate themselves from each others arms so just nodded.

"And Daniel." A very effeminate boy leaned in to kiss Christian's cheek.

"Well well well, Christian the man himself. Philippe owes me a fiver. Told him our Syed was into the 'by the power of grey skull' thing." He laughed and Syed poked him in the ribs.

"Shut it you." Unable to cope with this confusing bombardment Christian ignored them all and grabbed for Syed's wrist with the drink.

"What do you think your doing?" he demanded.

"Having fun. You know the atmosphere, the night." Christian shook his head as he recognised his own words. "The whole package. Your hairs perfect you been down the gym had a party pump, chest looks good you got your tightest top on sleeves rolled up showing off the arms…"

"Very affective!" Came a chorus from the laughing gallery, it seemed this was not the first time Syed had replicated this speech.

"Pick up the bottle, flick the wrist triceps pops walk into the gaff like you own the place. See the fittest bloke in the place and think he is mine tonight." Syed ended cheerfully and took a deep gulp from his bottle.

"Syed, you're a Muslim you don't drink."

"You're a Muslim!" Either Ade or Max called out shocked. In fact only Eric didn't look completely taken aback. "Is Macdonald's Halal now?" They asked their partner.

"I was." Syed corrected deadly serious. Christian couldn't believe it, his faith had been such a strong part of who he was.

"Really!" Daniel demanded from him and Syed nodded. "Geez! I couldn't do it. I don't get down on my knees and grovel for any man unless I know I'm going to get compensated!" Syed laughed but Christian could see the subtle signs of distress. Syed had always been very good at hiding his feelings from everyone else, but with Christian he had never been able to.

"Did you hear that joke? There's a rumour going around that the police have said you're not allowed to wear England shirts in pubs in case it upsets Muslims. What the fuck is a Muslim doing in a pub?" Nigel added.

"Oh or that other one! What was it? There's an old saying: An apple a day keeps the doctors away. But nowadays most doctors seem to be Muslim so I find that bacon is far more effective." Daniel supplied. Christian looked at Syed who had his head slightly away. Christian's jaw set and his fists clenched, no one spouted that kind of idiotic racism in front of him. But then he caught Syed looking at him, those intense eyes staring at him and he shook his head just slightly. Christian forced himself to relax. The song changed and Christian strained himself to listen to it rather than the pathetic talk around him. It was a classic, the pet ship boys 'it's a sin'. Syed grinned slightly as he rcognised it and offered his hand to Christian.

"You wanna dance?" He asked. Christian nodded his head, to be honest he didn't feel like dancing but he wanted to get Sted away from those people. A safe distance away Syed looked at him seriousness peering through the intoxication. He looked adorable, his eyes blinking slowly as if he was tired a slight wobble to his movements. "Please don't hate them. They're nice, just idiots." He explained. "And they're my friends."

"Why didn't you tell me about your faith?" Christian asked. Syed looked at him, a little coldness seeped back into them.

"I was no longer your responsibility, remember?" He threw back the words Christian had yelled at him a life time ago, he had thrown him out of the house that same day. It was a bucket of cold water over him. He had thought getting Syed back would be easy but now seeing that look in his eyes, it wasn't going to be. After the song was gone Syed looked at him, there was just a little longing in his eyes past the hurt. "Well I should get back Philippe's helping out with some publicity photos but he might be done by now. If you see someone masked with a camera that's him. Ok?"

"He's a photographer?" Of course he was the smarmy gig, that was probably how he got Syed, Christian thought to himself. But nodded dutiful and walked to the bar to find Roxy, she wasn't hard to pick out in a place like this.

"Well?" She asked.

"Well nothing, I'll tell you about it later." He moaned. "But if you see someone with a camera, trip them up for me will you Rox."

"The new guy's a photographer?"

"Yup and you can just bet he was all 'has anyone ever told you can you be a model?'." From behind him someone burst out laughing. Christian turned angrily to see the bartender a young man laughing to himself.

"Sorry, you're talking about Philippe though, right? I mean if you're talking about someone with a camera in here, it must be Philippe."

"And what if I am?" Christian demanded.

"Well if you're talking about Philippe it means your also talking about Syed and well Syed would have probably hit him if he said something like that. Philippe isn't a fashion photographer." He explained slowly. "This is just a favour. He works for national geographic, he takes pictures of bugs." He laughed again. "Plus Syed would never go for him, he's all hung up on some old boyfriend." Christian grinned to himself, maybe it wasn't so hopeless after all.

"So Philippe and Syed?..." He asked openly.

"Just friends." The bartender shrugged and Christian's heart swelled with hope.

"You my good sir have earned yourself a tip!" Christian pulled out a note and stuck it in the jam jar by the till.

"Thank you." When he had gotten a safe distance away Roxy turned to Christian with a look of excitement on her face. She may not have always liked Syed but he made Christian happy and the idea of starting a new romantic project seemed like good fun.

"So? What's your plan? Get him in your office for a performance review? Get him to stay late? Or go over his? One of your little meals?" She asked mockingly.

"Actually I was thinking of asking him on a date." Christian said simply. "It's been a while since we were together but when we ended it things got said and he's so far away now. He's barely the same person, we need a date. A proper one." He said with conviction. The idea of a date with Syed had been a long standing fantasy of his anyway. The whole way through their secret affair he had had pathetic images of candlelit dinners and snuggling in the cinema. It seemed perfect.

Christian had practised what he was going to say in the mirror a hundred times that night, unfortunately that meant he didn't get any sleep and so ended up coming to work late the next day. Lee, Cassie and Syed were huddled around the schedule seeing what was happening that day. Christian ignored the others and went straight over to Syed who was staring with big eyes at the name written neatly on the top of the schedule.

"Syed, last night you made me realise…" Syed however wasn't listening to him he just stared at the name like a statue. Annoyed at being ignored Christian pulled the paper from his hands and read the name of Syed's first client. "Julian Khvostov." He read aloud and then looked back to Syed who seemed to have gone comatose. "Who is he?" he asked. Finally Syed lifted his head his mouth open his eyes huge.

"My first." Was all he could manage.

**June 12****th**** 1994 **

It all started with a sleepover. Nothing unusual there. Syed and Julian had been having sleepovers at each others houses since they were tiny. Syed would sleep on the little camp bed with a sleeping bag next to Julian's bed so they could still chat. However this night Julian's grandfather had showed up out of the blue for dinner and then announced at half seven that he would not be driving home and demanded to be put up. Syed suggested that he go but when he had noticed him assembling his things Julian's grandfather, a huge imposing man with a thick Russian accent had casually taken his bag from him and slung it down on the floor announcing that no trouble was to be gone through because of him and 'the little Arab boy could stay'. A little taken aback Syed had looked to Julian for support who had shrugged and looked thoroughly apologetic. Julian's father, a soft hearted man with warm green eyes and a slim figure, (Julian's grandfather had been quick to point out during dinner that physique obviously skipped a generation and he was glad to see that Julian and his brother William were becoming real men like him rather than the scrawny runt their father was), had smiled in a browbeaten way and started to plan who would sleep where. Julian's grandfather was in Julian's younger brother, William's, room, William was on the camp bed in the lounge, and Syed and Julian were sharing Julian's bed. It was a double so there was enough room to keep a safe distance between each other, but there was still this strange feeling of getting into bed with another person, even if that person was your best friend.

"Jules?" Syed called out quietly not sure if he was asleep or not.

"Yeah, Sid?" Jules always called him Sid even since they were little boys and he had announced that Syed wasn't a real name, earning him a clip round the head and an earful from Zianab and somewhere in the forced apology they had become friends.

"Your grandfather is scary." Jules snuffled a little laugh into his pillow.

"Maybe he's old KGB." He affected a Russian accent badly and they both giggled.

"Sure and mines Al-qaeda."

"Don't let my grampy hear you say that, he'll search you for bombs." His retort ended in a little shiver.

"You cold?" Syed asked turning his head so he was looking at his friend but remaining on his side with his back to him. Jules was curled up in a ball near him.

"Freezing."

"Baby!"

"Hey, we're not all like you, Sid, we don't all walk round in the freezing cold English winter with nothing but a thin jacket and a T-shirt!"

"You're supposed to be the Russian boy, you wouldn't last three seconds out there!" Syed sighed and shuffled in closer until he could feel the ice cold form of his friend pressed against him. "Come here you big wuss." Arms wrapped themselves around him and he tensed, he hadn't been expecting that, he had thought they would just lie next to each other so he was completely unprepared for the feeling of Jules's chest pressed tight against his back. His breath caught in his throat and he was suddenly very glad that Jules's was facing his back so couldn't see the more embarrassing signs of his tension.

"You're so warm." The words came soft in his ear and he let out a little gasp. One cold hand stroked back a piece of hair from his ear. "What's wrong?"

"Tickled." He managed breathlessly trying to calm his mind reminding himself over and over that this was his friend here, that these thoughts, these lascivious, wet, animal thoughts were wrong, sick, perverted.

"Sorry". The word was muted with tiredness and he could feel Jules's body relax around him sinking into sleep. His brow furrowed, how could anyone sleep like this? He concentrated on the sound of Jules's alarm clock, shaped like a miniature grandfather clock ticking away next to him, the soft sounds of Jules's grandfather snoring next door and the shallow breathing coming from next to him. Strangely even with all that tension around him Syed found his eyes getting heavy, his body relaxing and gently he went to sleep.

He woke up facing Jules, his eyes closed, his soft almost blue coloured hair ruffled by sleep, a little morning stubble over his strong jaw. Syed was jealous of that, he was still ridiculously smooth skinned, it made him look even younger than he was, he had vowed years ago that when he finally did get some facial hair there was no way he was shaving it off. Guiltily he removed his arm from when it had sneaked to in his sleep, around Jules's neck. Next he untangled their legs gently and slid his friends hand off his waist where it had laid. At the movement Jules's eyes opened sleepily, they showed his shock for a moment and then he smiled.

"Morning, Sid."

"Morning." He whispered back trying to act nonchalant. Zianab's biggest gripe about Syed staying over at Jules's house was that it meant he missed morning prayer but he always made up for it, it would be far too awkward to pray here and rude to leave that early. Usual it didn't bother him but he felt he needed to pray right now, but it would have to wait.

"Let's go get a cup of tea, eh?" Jules yawned and stretched himself out. They got out of bed and Jules threw his spare dressing gown at Syed. They were just on the landing when they heard Jules's grandfather.

"You let them sleep in the same bed?" he seemed outraged and was doing nothing to curb the volume of his voice. Jules and Syed looked at each other and silently took their positions on the landing. Whenever they wanted to eavesdrop the landing was always where they sat. It was there that Jules, Syed, and William had watched 'It' several years ago, through the wooden banisters when they had been banished to bed and been too afraid to sleep all night.

"Where else was he going to go?" Jules's father reminded him in a hushed voice. "Now maybe you should quiet down a bit, you'll wake the boys up."

"Are you telling me to be quiet! I am your father and I will speak however I wish. Now are you telling me that you let _my_ grandson sleep in the same bed with his little pretty boy paki girlfriend? With someone like you raising him no wonder he's a fairy."

"Julian is _not_ a fairy." Syed glanced at Jules, his jaw was set, his eyes lowered and his face unreadable. "And if he was it would be your fault." He could feel Jules's flinch at the word 'fault'. "You're the one that insisted that Syed stay." Syed saw Jules clench his fists tightly and he couldn't take anymore, he got to his feet and walked a few paces back, gesturing for Jules to do the same, dumbly Jules obeyed. Syed walked over the landing as loudly as he could then practically thumped down the first stair turning and talking in a loud voice to Jules.

"You sleep ok?"

"Yeah." Jules's voice came out slightly bewildered, but then he heard the sound of shushing beneath them and caught on. "You?"

"Humph! Your floor is hard as a rock. Still better than sharing with you, you'd roll over and squish me like a bug!" They both laughed fakely and made their way to the kitchen. "Morning all!" He called cheerfully.

"Morning, Sid." Jules's mother smiled at him from the stove. "Do you want some eggs, sweetheart?" Jules's mother always called him sweetheart, it felt nice though always made him blush.

"If it's not too much trouble." He replied respectfully and he earned a big smile from her.

"And you, Julian? Bacon and eggs?"

"Sure." Was the only reply she got from her son.

"You don't eat bacon? What are you one of those pig hugging tree climbing hippy vegetarians?" Jules's grandfather asked.

"Eating pigs is against my cultures religion." Syed replied staring confidently at the terrifying old man.

"I thought your lot were into the cow?" He demanded, coming close enough that Syed could smell the tobacco on his breath and see the start of some faded wrinkled tattoo on his left arm.

"That's Buddhists. I'm a Muslim."

"Oh one of them turban ones, eh? Or are they the ones with the veils?" Syed decided to ignore that one. "So tell me what does your dad do 'Sid'?" he sneered out the name through yellow teeth. "What is he, eh? A taxi driver maybe?"

"Sid's family is in food, granddad." Jules cut over harshly.

"Ah! A kebab store!" He muttered to himself.

"Actually, my father owns and operates a very successful catering business providing a wide variety of foods." He just made an ambiguous noise at that, almost as if he didn't believe him.

"Listen, just leave him alone will you!" Jules glared at his grandfather. Under the table Syed kicked Jules hard in the shin. Before he could start a fight Syed intervened, he had enough experience stopping arguments at his house.

"Jules, I'm perfectly alright. In my culture you show respect for your elders, your grandfather is the head of the family and should be treated as such. Besides if a man cannot take a little adversary than he is no man at all." Syed spoke in soft hushed tones. Jules's grandfather stood up and Syed felt his heart freeze with fear but one hand simply went to his shoulder slapping him forward in one hit.

"'Respect for your elders', you should listen to your little friend, Julian." He gave a hard little laugh and left the room just as William entered who stared at his grandfather and then Syed in shock.

"Bloody hell…" Jules's mother cut in with a sharp 'Language, William' but was ignored. "Was that _our_ grandfather! The old Masood charm works again eh? I tell ya if I'm ever kidnapped I want _you_ doing the negotiation, Sid." He sat down next to his brother and looked at him for agreement. When none came he scowled and turned to Syed. "What's up with Mr sourface over here?" He pointed at Jules with his thumb.

"No idea." Syed muttered and was glad for the distraction when his food was put in front of him. After everyone was up and dressed Jules' grandfather insisted on sitting Syed down and telling him with great pride every single bit of family history that he knew; which it turned out was a lot. Syed sat patiently and listened intensely as if he was about to be quizzed on it, which he thought was a distinct possibility. The whole time Jules sat morosely in the corner not saying two words to anyone. Following several hours of listening Jules's mum and dad took his grandfather home when he declared that he wished to go but was in no mood to drive. The couple had rolled their eyes at each other but agreed it was best if they took him home, Jules's father driving his grandfathers car while his mother followed in her car. William escaped to the cinema with some friends and Syed was left alone with Jules, they retreated back to his bedroom. There was this awkward tension in the room again, he had expected that once everyone left, especially his grandfather, than Jules would perk up, but he remained stubbornly quiet. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore.

"If your not going to tell me what's wrong I'm going." He announced staring at Jules. Jules looked at him with those sharp cobalt eyes and sighed.

"'Fairy', 'fault' the things they were saying. It was _disgusting_, Sid." He shook his head. "I expected it from my grampy, but my parents?…I thought they were better."

"But you're not…_like that_. So there's no point in getting…"

"And if I was?" There was silence, Jules stared at him so intently, and he couldn't move. "If I was 'like that' then what? What would they do? What would they think?"

"I don't know…"

"And you, Sid, what would you think? What would you think if I told you that I was gay. That what I felt for you went _beyond_ friendship. That I had thought of holding you, kissing you, undressing you…"

"I would remind you that we're friends, and that sometimes that's better than _anything _else and not worth risking." Syed yelled back his voice tight and tense, carrying off in uneven tones in his haste.

"And what would you think if I told you that sometimes I think you feel the same way?" Syed froze and Jules approached him, so close, his body almost touching, not cold like last night but warm, hot even. "That sometimes I catch you looking at me and I _swear _we're thinking the same thing." He lifted his mouth to Syed's, not quite touching as Syed pulled back a little.

"No, it's wrong." His voice lacked conviction, he couldn't look at Julian, but it wasn't enough to stop him. Julian tried again dipping in his hand curving around Syed's jaw and this time he made contact only gently, the corner of his mouth, but it was enough. It was his first kiss, the first one that mattered and it was incredible. He could feel everything, the softness of his lips, the pressure hard and demanding of his hand on his face, the graze of stubble. Syed lent in and kissed him, it was so soft so delicate, nothing more than a press of lips of lips but it was enough to sent a current of electricity through Syed's whole body, he jumped slightly but didn't move away until he felt one of Jules's large hands curve round his neck and his head tilt slightly and his lips ever so gently convince Syed's to open under them and his tongue lap inside Syed's mouth. He pulled back, trying to get away but Jules had his wrist in one hand and he was strong. He hadn't even realised how much stronger until just then and it didn't scare him, it excited him.

"Jules, we should stop this, now. Before things go too far. Please! Please you have to stop before it's too late." He begged, his own voice pathetic in his ears. Jules brought his wrist up to his lips and kissed at his running pulse.

"I think it's already too late." He kissed him again and Syed gave in to it. He barely resisted as Jules tore his T-shirt over his head repeating the action on himself. He could hear the little moans of delight pouring out of himself as Jules kissed his chest, gently touched his nipples then sucked them into his mouth, his tongue tracing over them. Learning by the little noises Syed made what to continue to do. By the time Jules went to removed his jeans he was already so hard he thought nothing of it besides the relief. Jules hastily took off his own jeans getting caught in the leg and swearing to himself in his rush and then he pushed them both on the bed and pressed his body down on Syed's. It was incredible to feel this, to feel the hot hard flesh of another man on top of him. His hips moved by their own instinct pushing up against the body above him seeking his own pleasure. Jules grunted through their kiss as their cocks rubbed against each other, wet with precum they slid easily. They sped up increasing the friction. Suddenly Jules pulled up, Syed moaned at the lose of his stimulation, his head back against the pillow of Jules's bed his eyes screwed shut against the world. He could hear Jules scrambling for something in his bedside table, sifting through the papers and miscellaneous items in there until he found what he was looking for. Impatiently Syed began to take himself in hand. But when Jules came back he wrenched Syed's hand away from himself and replaced it with his own, it was covered in something that made it slip with delicious ease over his palm. He rubbed his thumb over the head a few times and then went back to pumping the shaft. No one had ever touched Syed before, he rarely even touched himself, the guilt was so great afterwards. But this was on a whole other plane. Giving himself over to it he started to thrust in time with Jules's strokes not even thinking that he was the only one getting anything out of this or what that might imply. All too soon he felt his body tense, he grabbed at the body on top of him, not even thinking about who it was, taking him forcefully by his neck and dragging him down to kiss him roughly. Not long after he came his mouth gasping against the one over his as he screamed out his climax. Only when he was done descending his high did he open his eyes. Jules was sat on his haunches in front of him pushing a condom down over his cock. When he was done he gently manoeuvred Syed over onto his back, there was some strange slicking noised behind him and then he felt his cheeks being parted and one thick greased finger entered him. His whole body went tight and he clenched into the pillow just above his face, he breathed in shallowly, desperately, against the invasion. After a moment it started to move. Syed screwed his face up into the mattress and swore when he had the breath. He was just starting to relax when he felt a second finger join the first. It hurt, the stretch, the assault, the feeling of something being inside him, it was all too much. After a moment the fingers retreated and he breathed those desperate throaty breaths into the pillow in relief, it was over. And then he felt it. Jules' cock up against his entrance, hard and wet and ready for what was about to happen. He couldn't help but tense against it. He was so slow, pushing in a little, waiting for him to relax a little then pushing in more. It hurt, it felt like his body was being ripped open but then he started to thrust, just shallowly at first. Syed cried out and it took him a while to realise it was in pleasure. There was something so good about this, the feel of a man over his back, his body being jolted forward with each thrust, these series of low grunts as Jules moved inside him. He hated it, and he wanted it to never end. Jules's movements become more needy, quicker, deeper, suddenly he was pressing against some spot inside Syed that made him see stars, he felt his body tense around Jules's cock. He heard Jules swear in his ear then emit this strange growl. Then he pulled out panting and satisfied. Syed turned to look at him, crawling into this hunched over protective position, his body wincing at the effort to do so and stared disbelievingly at him. He had this delicate little smile on his glowing red face, his dark blue eyes open, warm relaxed and complete. He couldn't look at him anymore so he thrust his eyes away, down to himself. His heart went cold as he looked down at the thin trail of red blood that ran down his thigh, he wanted to be sick, he felt disgusting, evil, sinful. Jules moved closer and went to kiss him but he jerked away.

"Sid?" He went to stoke his face but he battered his hand away curling himself tighter despite his protesting muscles. Jules looked down and noticed for the first time the trail of blood. "Shit, Sid. I'm so sorry. I tried to be gentle. Is there anything I can do? Anything I can get you?"

"Anything you can _do_? How can you even look at me after what you've done to me?" he asked, the tears that had coated his eyes started to fall down his cheek.

"What I just did to you? _I _didn't do that to you, Sid. _We_ did that. Sid…"

"Syed!" He yelled at him. "My name is Syed not Sid. Syed Masood, the good Muslim son of a good Muslim family. And good Muslim boys do not consent to what _you _just did!" He accused. He watched as Jules's face went white as he realised what he was saying.

"But you…"

"I told you to stop!"

"But you kissed me back, you wanted this." He went to grab him again. "Sid, please, you can't say that…"

"Don't touch me. And I _didn't_ want this. I _never_ wanted this! Please leave me alone. Please just leave me alone!" he begged hiding his eyes with the heel of his palms.

"We have to talk about this…"

"Please! Please just go!" He felt the bed move as Jules got up.

"Ok." He consented in this dead shell-shocked voice. "I'm going to go to the garden room. But I'll be back in an hour. Please think about this, please stay so we can talk about this, I know this is all very…" he sighed when he couldn't think of the right word. "If you want to, you can go. But please stay, please be here when I come back." His voice cracked slightly. "This wasn't just…_that._ It meant a lot to me." Syed kept his eyes closed and listened to Jules throw on his clothes and leave the room. When Jules came back up an hour later he was gone.

**Well I hope that was ok. I didn't actually plan on putting that flashback in but I had written it already so I thought why not! I know that this was a very heavy Christian sided chapter but the next one will be mainly Syed so it should balance. A couple of things I wanted to explain. First a twink is a gay porn term for young slender looking guys (don't ask how I know that). The song playing at the club when Christian shows up is Belle and Sebastian 'Blues are still blue' and the other one was The Faint 'The Geeks were right'. 'The power of grey skull' thing was a he-man reference and the jokes were horrible I know but they were meant to be I stole them off sickepedia and I do not agree with them at all! Next chapter will be dealing with Julian and Syed so that should be fun! Oh also Syed was 17 in the flashback and I know I use Sid as an alliance for Syed in my other story but I liked the idea so I continued it in here, plus it was something that a lot of Asian teenagers did at my own school to fit in. Thanks for bearing with me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I did not want to start this with a rant but I am afraid that one is coming anyway. There are things that will happen in this chapter that I wasn't actually ready for, that I am bringing forward due to anger. Namely anger at Christian. What the hell is going on with him? For ages Sy has gotten away with things and Christian just turned a blind eye and now suddenly when he has a leg to stand on and needs to have serious relationship talks with the man he has committed to spending his life with Christian is being all weird with him, stealing benches and calling him a 'devious gay con man'. If I regret anything I write in this chapter I will do a re-write. There will be some Christian bashing in this chapter so you are forewarned. I am not going to write much Christian scenes in this either as I know I am too cross with him to write them without making him a jerk and (despite what's going on at the moment) he is not a jerk. Damn I wish I hadn't put in Julian at the end of the last chapter! Sorry if this goes against any chryed fans but I do still love the lads and still want them together but Christian is really getting on my wick! Also I am so sorry I did have chapter breaks in the previous uploads but looking back they have never uploaded so I will now be using ! to show a break. It must have been confusing as I changed perspective, I should have checked earlier. Sorry!**

**Kuroseed**

Ch 4: The responsibility of others

"You can go if you like. Cancel on him." Christian muttered trying to grab hold of Syed arm but failing.

"No!" Syed practically yelled pulling away from Christian his body tucked in tight against itself. "No." He repeated softer to the floor. "I…I owe him this much. To be here…this time."

"What happened?" Christian asked. He had often tired to get Syed to tell him about his past but the young man had always been evasive. He was good at evasive. Syed couldn't look up, couldn't look at the man he still loved and have him know. He hated that Christian had seen some of the worst that he could do, and this, this was bad.

"Let's just say, it makes my reaction after the first time me and you…well it makes it look nice, pleasant, amiable even."

"Sy…"

"I accused him of taking me by force." He admitted in a low whisper. Christian's hand went over his mouth in shock. Syed didn't look at him, he didn't have to. He felt sick, little waves of nausea went through him. He was done with having Christian Clarke judge him, hate him. He turned and walked into his room where he could shut the door, where his diploma for his massage course hung, little signs of achievement, it made him feel better. He sat on his bench and waited. The knock made him jump.

"Come in." He yelled, hoping it might be Christian or even better Cassie telling him that Julian hadn't shown up. It wasn't.

He had gotten older, for some reason Syed hadn't been expecting that, had still been expecting that seventeen year old boy to come in through the door in the same outfit he had last seen him in. He wished it was easier, that maybe now they were men it would all make sense, that time and experience might turn it into some trivial encounter that they could talk over, laugh at and overcome. If anything it was harder. Syed felt his guts clench together as he looked at him, all hope of being professional or grownup evaporated. He was taller now, even taller than Christian, and built, his shoulders broad and defined, the shapes thrown by the muscles distorting the lines of the loose tan T-shirt he was wearing. His waist narrowing to meet the simple black cargo trousers he wore beneath it making his chest an impressive triangle form. His hair was cut short to his scalp, still blue-grey like smoke it covered the top of his hair like pelt. His eyes were still that deep blue, his jaw was more defined now and clean shaven. They just stared at each other for what felt like forever before he broke the spell by closing the door.

"Julian." Syed whispered trying to pretend he didn't hear the quiver in his own voice. The look of hurt was so visible in the other man that Syed had to look away.

"You never called me that." His voice was lower than it had been, a deep timber even, it seemed to vibrate around the small room.

"Jules." He corrected and tried for a small smile, he was relieved when one was returned.

"Sid." He flinched at the name.

"No one calls me that." He muttered, not really knowing if he was asking him to stop or not.

"I do." Jules replied taking control of the situation with those two words and an ominous step forward. Syed floundered, he hated not being in control and fought to regain his composure.

"Well if you would care to get on the bed we can start. Is there anywhere in particular…" Syed's little monologue was cut off when Jules grabbed his wrist holding him tightly.

"I didn't come for a massage." He was still talking in that calm serious tone, Syed was reminded of his grandfather and he was suddenly afraid. He glanced over at the door, and tried to calm himself, Christian was on the other side of the door he reminded himself. Christian wouldn't let him come to any harm. His minds eye flashed a picture in his head, Christian stood in front of him in their flat, soon to be just Christian's again, his eyes fixed on him with such a hard look. 'I am sick of you being my responsibility'. His blood went cold, no he couldn't rely on Christian anymore. Some of his fear must have shown in his eyes because immediately Jules let go of him and took a step back. "I just wanted to talk to you." He said with a softer tone. "My friend is investing in a new club, the Wild Que. You were in half the publicity shots you know? It was like seeing a ghost." He explained his eyes running up and down Syed's face gently. Syed had forgotten how gentle Jules always was, especially with him.

"How did you find out I was here?" Syed asked.

"I googled you." Jules admitted sheepishly and Syed rewarded him with a little breathy laughter and they both relaxed a little. With everything that had happened it was easy to forget that they had been best friends for years.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Syed asked, his demeanour calmer now, his body language less stiff.

"Lots of things." Jules admitted casually. "Like how you went from me and you to dancing drunk in a gay bar." He raised one eyebrow and Syed looked away hanging his head like a caught child.

"We might need more than a half an hour for that one." Syed rolled his eyes. Softly Jules lay one of his large hands over Syed's.

"Ok, why don't we have dinner tomorrow night?" There was a silence. "I only live in London, well just outside, but y'know…" He started to babble nervously and Syed looked at him fondly through a sweep of dark hair, he was still the same Jules swinging from stoic to jumpy in a second. "I think there may be bits of Scotland that get called London now days. So I can come in anytime really it's not a big deal." Syed moved his hand so he could squeeze Jules's hand, marvelling at the calluses on his palm for a moment.

"I would love to have dinner with you tomorrow." Syed reassured.

"Right. Great." The relief was evident on his face for a second before vanishing. "You do know that by dinner I meant…well…you aren't going out with anyone at the moment are you?"

"No." It felt like a lie, maybe he would always feel like he belonged with Christian, belonged _to_ Christian, the thought hit like a hollow drum beat inside him. "and I know a great place to eat, it's this little restaurant near here. I'll try and get us a table. Here, take my number." They faffed with their phones swapping numbers for a moment. "I'll call you let you know times and directions."

"Ok. It's a date." Jules said firmly his piercing eyes on Syed who shivered slightly at the implication.

"Yeah, yeah it is." He agreed.

**!**

"I can't believe I agreed to go on a date with him." Syed moaned to Tanya as they sat in her front room a cup of tea in his hands. "What was I thinking? I don't know what to do on a gay date? What if there are rules? Codes?"

"A secret handshake!" Tanya mocked.

"It's _not_ funny." He reprimand.

"Oh come on Syed you were with a guy for over a year. Not to mention all that time sneaking around. Just do what you did on your dates with Christian."

"Oh please! We never dated! We had sex in alleyways!" He bit back.

"Well that's more than I wanted to know." A male voice muttered. Syed blushed furiously as he turned to see Max. "I'm here to pick up the girls." He added to Tanya.

"Don't you think that you should knock before entering a private discussion?" Syed yelled at him.

"Greg let me in." Max and Greg still hated each other but they had come to some sort of agreement when it came to Syed, they both hated him. It was as if they didn't believe he was really gay and might be trying to swoop in and steal Tanya from them, giving them an uneasy truce. Greg hadn't cared one way or the other until Syed had briefly moved in after his break up with Christian and he had caught Tanya on the couch with Syed hugging him as he slept. Max on the other hand had hated him from the get go. Tanya didn't help by fawning over Syed telling him how pretty she thought he was and moaning that it was so unfair that he was gay all the time. "Besides I think it's a bit worse to be screaming about your sex life when there are young girls in the house don't you?" Syed opened his mouth to reply but couldn't think of anything, it wasn't fair, especially when he had no sex life to scream about in the first place. As if on cue Greg came in with some of the girls things. "What's up with Tanya's little pet?" Max asked elbowing Greg in the side.

"Oh don't mind him, the guy that popped his cherry is in town and he's having a bit of a tizz." He replied cruelly.

"Tanya!" Syed glared at his so called friend.

"What? He wanted to know what was wrong?" Syed sighed and threw on his jacket.

"I knew I should have kept this to myself. Can't talk to you, Philippe thinks it's hilarious, who else do I have? My mum!"

"Well there is someone…" Syed turned just before leaving and stared at her. "Christian." She offered. Syed just snorted and left banging the door behind him. He sat on the bench and glared at the world.

Across the square his father went about his rounds. He wanted to go to him, to have his father help him, tell him what to do, wasn't that what fathers did? He could still remember what his father had told him about dating girls when he was a teenager. He had sat on the end of his bed and stared doe eyes with wonder as he father talked about respect and what good Muslim girls were looking for and how important love was and patience and faith. He hadn't had the heart to tell his father that he had already been on dates before and that he found girl's easy, a nice smile and a few pretty words and they were happy. All that had mattered was his father wanted to have that talk with him. He looked into those serious eyes of the man he idolised and thought that this meant that his father was coming to respect him to be proud of him, that from this moment on they would be close in that way he had always dreamed of. He had later found out that his mother had nagged him into doing it. Syed didn't go to his father again, and he wouldn't now. Odds were his father wouldn't even acknowledge his existence. He couldn't go to Tamwar, he could still remember trying to give him advice on relationships after he had kissed Amira on his birthday. He was such a hypocrite, talking down to Tamwar while he was having an affair with his best friend. And then there was _him_. Christian. He had seen the look of disappointment on his face the other night and it had killed him. His first reaction was to want to apologise but then the anger had come up. As if Christian really cared about the ins and outs of his faith. His faith also had a bit of an issue with sodomy but he hadn't cared so much about that. Christian had in many ways told Syed how disappointed he was of him over the years since they had first kissed in the unit and frankly Syed was tired of it. If he was a wreck than Christian would have to take at least a little responsibility for that.

**!**

Syed looked at Philippe in the mirror desperately. His friend grinned back boyishly and draped his arms around his neck.

"Don't pout, you look stunning." He laughed into Syed's neck. Syed shrugged out of the embrace and frowned.

"I really don't see why everyone thinks this is so funny." Philippe played with the collar of Syed's brand new leather jacket.

"Because it is. It's a date Syed, not the apocalypse. Even if it's awful so friggin' what!" He sighed and looked at Syed's face so seriously. "I know what a big deal this is to you. Which is why I got you in at Romea. This is going to be good Syed, exorcise some of those old demons."

"What if he hates me?" Syed admitted his fear to his floor. Philippe lifted his chin and looked at him straight in the eyes.

"You are too pretty to hate." He complimented.

"Oh yeah! Care to test that theory on my parents? Because if you remember correctly dinner the other night wasn't the best." Syed shivered at the memory.

"They're not looking with their eyes." Philippe laughed. "I know it pretty much sucked. Listen if it really really gets awkward prank me and I'll ring with some _desperate emergency_ that you need to help me with." Syed looked pathetically at his friend and then hugged him.

"Thanks you." He squeezed in tight.

"Now can I stay and meet Mr number one?" Philippe grinned hopefully.

"No way. If everything goes ok I'll ring you when I get back tonight."

"If everything goes ok ring me tomorrow morning after he's left." Philippe gave one little wink and then was gone. Leaving Syed to wait and dwell.

**!**

"So do you keep in touch with anyone still?" Syed asked trying to fill a silence that hadn't even happened yet as the waiter took their orders. Syed knew most of them by name, Philippe had made sure that they would get treated well. Jules looked around a little sceptical of the rich décor as the waiter in a starch stiffened uniform left briskly and tugged nervously at his own plain black T-shirt.

"No, not really." His cobalt eyes scanned the room again. "You come here often?" he asked incredulously.

"Not really that often. My friend has been coming here since it was a greasy spoon so I get mates rates." He explained. "If you don't like it we can go somewhere else."

"No, it's great. Just more than I was expecting." His eyes softened as he looked at Syed. "You know for years I hoped you would grow up to be ugly." They laughed. "But if anything you're even more handsome." Syed blushed uncomfortably. Jules looked away at his empty plate.

"You too." Syed's words were hardly audible, but Jules caught them and looked up across the table and gave the smallest smile.

"So, tell me, what happened to take you from…what happened…to now?" he took a sip of his water and rolled his eyes thinking where to start. "Ok, we'll take it one step at a time. You're coming out story, there always good. Go!" He fake commanded.

"I'm afraid you have to listen to the prequel first." Syed mocked.

"You never did things easy did you, Sid?" Jules shook his head in sympathy. "Alright, the prequel it is."

"I did a bad thing, embezzled from my family's business, I ruined them. It was so bad my dad threw me out, I wasn't allowed to have any contact with the family. For years I was all alone. Couldn't even drop them a line. It was horrible. Then I was allowed back. I started to work with my family again, even moved back in with them. Everything was good, I had my family back, I had this stunning girl from a very respectable family on my arm. Everything was perfect."

"The prodigal son returns then." Jules broke in. "So is this where the story starts for real?"

"Yup, because in walks Christian. The most…just…a god of a man, and it just gets harder and harder to pretend that I didn't want him. One day I snapped, kissed him, let him take me home. The next day I just pretended it never happened, wouldn't talk to him, when he forced me to I just denied him. But…it happened again. This time I reacted even worse, I asked the stunning respectable girl to marry me. All through the engagement me and Christian were on and off and by the time the wedding got close we weren't just messing about, we were in love. We even used those words. And then my dad got in this accident and I blamed Christian for it, saying it was a punishment from god because I was with him. I ended up getting married and me and Christian went back to being friends, really awkward in denial friends, but I couldn't stay away and things started between us again. There was this big flat warming party for me and my new brides flat and we walk in and there is written in pink over the wall 'Syed loves Christian'. Everything exploded, everyone knew, I left, left it all, her, my family, Christian. When I came back my family rejected me, it was horrible. I even tried to top myself. Won me enough sympathy to get me back home at least. I even tried to get cured of my gayness but big surprise that didn't work. In the end I choose him, went off with him, lived with him. Even planned to have a kid with him. And it didn't matter than my family pretended I was dead because I had him. But things just got harder, he listened to me, he just got all enthusiastic about things and just ran ahead. And of course I didn't want to rock the boat so I just kept the peace. Then we had this massive argument and he said he was sick of me being his responsibility and threw me out. That was a few months ago now. We're friends again, in fact he's my boss. I have friends, a flat, a life that mine. It's not too bad." Syed ended and almost believed it himself. "Come on, fairs fair, tell me yours." He didn't want to hear what Jules thought of his story.

"Well as you can imagine you spun for six. After all it was my first time..."

"With a guy?"

"With anyone, Sid." Guilt swept over him and he muttered his apology before letting Jules continue. "So I didn't really see anyone seriously until my third year of uni where I met this guy called Brandon. I resisted for ages, told him repeatedly that I didn't do relationships that I was more a quickie behind the lecture theatre kinda guy. But he just wouldn't let up. It took an entire year before I'd even tell him I liked him. After uni we moved in together, I insisted we keep it from my parents which caused certain strains on our relationship. Finally, he told me after three years if I didn't tell them he was leaving; so I told them. They took it better than I was expecting. They don't _hate_ me or anything but I think they would prefer if I wasn't. But generally everything was fine until one evening granddad came around unexpectedly when me and Brandon were there. Mum kept referring to Brandon as my 'good friend' and then right in the middle of dessert granddad asks if that's her way of saying that we were 'ass bandits' and this huge screaming match breaks out. And Brandon turns to me and says that if I don't stand up for him he's going…and I let him go. I just sat there. When I got back to our place all his stuff was gone. I've seen people since but nothing serious. When I saw your picture I ended up telling my friend all about you, he was the one who said I should look you up. He took psychology and now things that gives his license to dictate what's best for everyone." Jules took Syed's hand gently as their food arrived. "But I'm glad he did. It's nice to see you again, Sid."

"You too, Jules." He smiled shyly, suddenly very aware of his hand in Jules's.

"So you and this guy, this Christian, are you over?"

"I don't know." Syed replied honestly. "A while ago I would have said yes, but lately I get the feeling he might be interested in me again. We've been having these dinners together…but I dunno. Sometimes when I let him close again all I hear is something he said, something he yelled at me. Little sounds bites form the evening he chucked me out. He called me 'a devious gay con man'.

"And are you?" Jules tired to joke.

"I was." Syed admitted coldly. "And…well…have you ever had this part of you that you hate, something you did, or something that you are, that makes you feel sick every time you even think about it, to then find out that that is how the person that you love thinks of you." Syed shook his head. "I don't know how to get past that."

"We all say things in the heat of the moment…"

"It was more than that." Syed cut through. "When he said that, he meant it. Christian was the first person I let see me. Really see me, without hiding anything. Without pretending. He didn't get Syed Masood the good Muslim boy, the prodigal son as you said, he didn't get the person I built for myself, he got me and he got it all. And all he saw was this evil little screw up, and I don't think I'll ever be able to see myself as anything else through his eyes."

"Hey." Jules whispered catching the signs of tears in Syed's eyes, leaning in close, grabbing his shoulder with one hand and holding it tight. "You are _not _an evil screw up." Syed stared into his blue eyes and dared for one moment to believe him. "You're not." He repeated with conviction.

**!**

Christian sat in the queen vic spinning his ice around his gin and tonic with his stirrer absently. He was thinking about Syed, it was getting to be a bit of an obsession now. He had heard from Lee that Syed had agreed to go on a date with this Julian fella. He clenched his jaw at the thought, he hated it. He was so preoccupied that he didn't even see Tamwar sit down at his table. He didn't even look up until he heard him cough slightly.

"Tamwar, how's married life?" he tired to be casual.

"Umm…yeah it's great." He replied awkwardly. "Can we talk?"

"Thought we were." Christian pointed out with a grin he didn't believe.

"I meant about Syed."

**So that's another chapter, hopefully Christian will get back to normal soon so I can write him again. Also I don't know if Sy should sleep with Jules. I think I only want to do it as some weird revenge on Christian so don't want to rush into it. Any thoughts?**

**Kuroseed**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five: a little softness

"It's not a big deal!" Syed protested but still allowed the other man to follow him up the stairs that led to his flat.

"Yeah well humour me. You know how stubborn I am." He smirked gently and Syed blushed and looked away unlocking the door and using his flat as a distraction.

"It's over there!" He pointed vaguely in the direction of the kitchen.

"You're not going to get it for me?"

"No way! This is your mission, you are on your own." Syed crossed his arms with resolve and turned his head away, he heard the soft mocking sigh come from the larger man and flicked his eyes to watch as he crossed over to the kitchen found the bin and started to rifle through it, it didn't take him long to find the luckily dry copy of the Koran and take it to the sink cleaning the cover gently with a few drops of water and his own hand before tucking it under one arm. "Don't know why you bothered. It's not important to me anymore." Syed moaned taking up residence of the sofa. "It's just a book after all."

"I just think that if you threw it away you might regret it." Julian joined him on the sofa a respectable distance away but leaning in towards him, the offending article resting on one of his knees. "Your faith…your faith was always so…I was jealous of the faith you had. I know I never had any. To throw all that away, Syed, it would be so wrong. I get that this Philippe bloke is trying to help you but what worked for him might not work for you. This way if you ever change your mind it's only a phone call away."

"Or maybe you just needed an excuse to come up to my flat?" Syed suggested trying to sound remotely sexy but then completely failing as he bit into his lip nervously.

"No…I…" Julian looked down at the book.

"I was only joking." Syed cut through quickly, his nerves up in his throat and he was feeling like a complete idiot, he just wanted the ground to swallow him up. "Can't you take a joke!" Hysteria made his voice fly high for a second and his hands wound themselves around each other nervously.

"Syed…" Julian lay one of those big warm hands over his quietening him and Syed risked a look up into his gently smiling face. "It's not like I don't want to be here. Believe me I do." His words ran tight with want and Syed couldn't help a little nervous flicker of his eyes. "After all your place is great, love all you're…collectables?" He gestured with one hand towards the plastic model of snoopy with his arms outstretched that held his TV remotes. Syed laughed, it was clear that he wasn't the only one who was nervous about this for some reason it made him relax a little.

"They're mostly gifts." He replied defensively.

"Ok, I'll believe you, hundreds wouldn't…but I will." There was a pregnant silence as the two men looked at each other. "Well I should go, early morning tomorrow."

"Oh." Syed couldn't help but voice his disappointment as they both got off the sofa and went to the door. Julian kept glancing at him and then away for some reason that Syed couldn't figure out. When they got to the door Julian thrust out his hand and Syed bemusedly took it, they shared an awkward handshake for a moment.

"Well…thank you for a lovely evening." Julian said then took a big sigh and moved in touching their lips together for the briefest of moments. Syed froze with the shock of it and then melted into it. Just when he felt Julian start to move back he clutched him closer using his free left hand to pull at his neck and keep him just where he wanted him. The kiss deepened for a moment before breaking, the two men looked at each other and for the first time in a long time Syed could see someone looking at him, wanting him, only the remembrance of Julian already saying about his early morning kept him from pathetically asking him to stay. Some of his feelings must have been evident on his face because Julian moved in close running his fingers over Syed's lips, an affectionate gesture but one that made sure they were not going to kiss again. "If we do…do this. I want it to be right, we rushed into everything so quick. I want to get to know you again. Is that ok?" Syed nodded his head unable to answer with words. Julian gave him one more quick peck on the lips and then left. Syed threw himself down on the sofa and grinned to the ceiling not allowing the slightly irritating feeling that he had cheated on Christian to mar how happy he felt at that moment. The buzzer made him jump and he went to answer it.

"When can I call you next?" Julian's voice came through muffled and electronic but instantly recognisable.

"Tomorrow?" Syed suggested trying to stop the circus of butterflies in his stomach.

"I'll try and wait till then. Bye." Syed knew he was smiling like a fool when he ended the conversation, broken only by the blaring music that instantly replaced it. The low vibrations of The National shaking against his skin as he tried to turn it down.

"Damn it!" He swore and tried unsuccessfully to quieten it. "Where did I put that bloody manual!"

**!**

"So what happened then?" Philippe asked leaning in so close he was in danger of spilling his cup of tea. Tanya shot him a look, clearly worried for the light fabric of her sofa but said nothing.

"He left like a perfect gentleman." Syed told him and Tanya who was trying rather unconvincingly to pretend she wasn't interested.

"What!" Philippe snorted his disbelief and took a deep swig of from his cup. "I swear sometimes I don't get you, Syed."

"What? It's hard, after what happened, I hurt him, we need to get past that. But he said he's got something he wants to show me tomorrow lunchtime so I'll see him really soon… The only thing is…" They both leant in close to catch his words. "I know that it's ridiculous but there was a moment when we kissed when it felt like I was…like I was cheating on Christian." He admitted sheepishly.

"Oh for the love of…" Philippe groaned and he and Tanya shared a look of mild disappointment. "Look, Syed, you and Christian, its over, done, finished, no more. You don't have to feel any guilt for moving on. Hell it was him that broke up with you in the first place." Syed knew that he was right but there was something in him that hadn't given up on them just yet, after so long of breaking up and then getting back together he had somewhat figured it was only a matter of time. "But forget about him, tell us more about your Russian!"

"Oh please even Jules's father has never so much as stepped foot on Russian soil and his mum's welsh! His grandfather's Russian though. We were friends for years, even in sixth form he was a prop and I was a hooker." Two incredibly blank and shocked faces stared at him and he rolled his eyes. "Rugby." He informed them with a slight sigh. "Anyway…he got a job in London after school and now he works freelance restoring protected and listed buildings. He has a house, an actually whole house, in Kent and a four year old lurcher called Bridges." Syed reported a little smugly.

"He sounds perfect, Syed." Tanya told him with a gentle smile. Syed grinned back half believing it, half wanting to believe it. He was happy again, and he didn't trust it.

**!**

Christian came out of his office to see all of his employees and a few of his regulars huddled together in a little circle, intrigued he strode over, glaring when he saw the recognisable form of Julian in the middle next to Syed. His blood ran like shards of ice when he noticed one of his arms draped around Syed's slim shoulders and Syed's own hand wormed through a small gap between them to hold a large book on Julian's lap.

"What's all this, I thought this was a Gym not a library." He put on his best jovial voice and was rewarded by a slight part in the crowd to let him in. Syed looked up at him eyes glinting merrily, it made him wince with want. This was hard, harder than with Amira because he'd always known the happiness Syed had then was fake, this was real.

"Sorry Christian." Syed grinned at him, breathtakingly handsome in his merriment. "Julian told his mum that he saw me and she sent him an old photo album. I haven't seen some of these pictures in years." Christian had never seen any pictures of Syed when he was young and made a little jerk to come and see before catching himself and keeping his distance. Syed however shifted over and patted the limited space on a yoga ball for Christian to join him. Christian was immediately greeted by the cutest picture he had ever seen. Syed couldn't have been any older than five he was covered from head to toe in green make up. His huge serious eyes were staring blanking at the camera and his face was a slightly bemused smile. He was dressed in a baggy green T-shirt and shorts, from behind him he was tugging at what looked like a green tight leg stuffed to form a sausage with white felt triangles sewn up in a line. From one wrist was tied a little line of small rag dolls. "It was national book day." Syed explained to a confused Christian as if that explained everything. He just stared at Syed and waited for more, blushing that gorgeous red hue Syed looked down. "You had to come to school dressed as your favourite character from a book. I was Roald Dahl's enormous crocodile." He admitted.

"Yeah, everyone else came as one of the kids from the lion the witch and the wardrobe or Charlie from the chocolate factory or something like that." Julian filled in ruining the moment. "Syed won the book tokens that year I think just as a compensation for looking so stupid."

"Hey!" Syed shot back. "I wasn't always a nerd though, look by the time we got to year seven _I _was one of the cool kids." Syed said defensively turning the back to show a cocky older version of the scared young crocodile wearing a purple and black striped rugby uniform, his arm around a younger Julian and mud caking both of them. He looked so young and so carefree it was strange to see him like that. Christian got to his feet sending Syed slightly out of balance before he rectified himself, he looked down at him sincerely.

"I happen to think that you made a wonderful crocodile." He whispered. Syed got to his feet and followed him the few steps he managed leaving the group and the album to seek him out, when Christian refused to turn around he grabbed him by the arm.

"Christian we're all gong out tonight to celebrate my divorce going through. Do you wanna come? We're going to the Wild Q again."

"I'll try." It was damn near impossible to deny him anything.

**!**

Christian lay his head on Roxy's lap wishing not for the first time that he had a friend with just a little more substance and not just a great mate for a night out. She brushed one hand through his hair in an attempt to be supportive though Christian could tell she was getting impatient.

"So are you going to go or not?" She asked.

"Yes…no…I dunno. It's not that simple." He moaned and moved away from her.

"Sure it is, if you go you'll be there and if your not you won't. That's usually the be all and end all of going or not going, Christian." She was frustrated at him, great, Christian thought to himself, half an hour that was how long they were allowed to spend on his problems, that was Roxy's great limit.

"If I go he'll be there with _him_, and I'll have to see it, but maybe I can curve some of it, but if I stay I can pretend that nothing happened between them but in reality it could mean that _everything _happens."

"I don't see why you even care, Christian."

"Because I love him, I never stopped, not even when I thought I hated him. Not even for a second. And all these things he's going though, he's going through them alone, and because of me. You should have heard what Tamwar said the other day." He had already given her a fairly rushed synopsis but nothing had been like hearing it directly.

**!**

Tamwar had cleared his throat and looked at his hands for several seconds. Christian just let him and sipped at his drink.

"I think Syed might be in trouble." He whispered and Christian put his glass down. "And I don't know who else to turn to. Mum…mum in invited him to dinner the other night after dark. She thought it would be good for us all to get closer again now that he's not…."

"With me any more." Christian finished bluntly. Tamwar said nothing to that.

"Me and dad thought it was a terrible idea but she invited one of Bushra's nieces, one of the ones that he was supposed to meet the day he…when he went with you instead. Everything was going fine, no one was arguing, everyone stuck to weather and jobs and then mum started telling Syed how nice this girl was and how well they might get on. Suddenly he just flips starts yelling at her, Syed does not yell at mum, they have rows but this was…it was just different. Mum said that maybe if Syed gave the girl a chance than he could see what might be able to happen and then he did it. He said that unless she could grow a penis he would never be able to be with her." Christian couldn't help the little laugh come out of his mouth more of shock than amusement. Syed had struggled with rude words when it was just the two of them, the idea of him saying the word penis in front of his mother seemed impossible and completely out of character. "He just kept saying that she needed to accept who and what he was and that until she did he wanted nothing to do with her, then he just left. I went to his mosque the next day to see him, but he wasn't there, the imam said he hadn't seen him in weeks. I don't now what to do, Christian."

"And what exactly do you want me to do?" he'd asked trying to keep the obvious panic out of his voice.

"I don't know whatever it was that you always did to get him to come to his senses, he needs you Christian." Not wanting to upset the young man Christian lay one hand on his shoulder.

"I'll try my best." He promised and walked away.

**!**

"So let me get this straight you actually said that you'd help Syed get back to the way he was? Why would you ever do that?" Roxy demanded.

"What d'ya mean?" He asked perplexed.

"Well as far as I can see he's better off this way." She clambered further onto the sofa and nearer to Christian. "First…" She raised one finger tipped with pink false nails "he's not the boring little homebody he was so we could go out and get boozed up without the major guilt trip. Secondly, he actually grew a pair and stood up to that dragon of mother of his, and thirdly he doesn't have any of that religious nonsense that used to drive you spare. I'd say he's pretty damn perfect now." She finished smugly. Christian just stared at her, she would never get it, this could never be perfect because it just wasn't Syed, and it was Syed that Christian really wanted.

"Oh I dunno babe, think I'll just stay here, watch a bit of TV, generally Bridget Jones it." He huffed.

"No no no no no no no!" She whined. "If your not going to Syed's little anti-wedding ceremony than me and you are going out on our own. Come on get your coat!"

**!**

"I guess he's not coming." Syed whispered to Philippe. He wasn't sure if he was happy or sad at the idea of Christian not being there.

"It's early days, he still might come." Philippe told him in his most reassuring voice. "Two jager bombs and three beers, please." He ordered and paid slipping the shot of jager and half glass of redbull in Syed's general direction, he had already had two already and was really slightly tipsy and nauseous as he dropped the shot in and watched the orange turn brown. Still he was here to have fun so he tipped the glass back until the shot glass touched his nose, watching as Philippe did the same. They grinned winningly at each other and reached for their beers. Syed taking two. "Plus, you got your Russian, right?" Philippe nudged at the spare glass bottle in Syed's hand with his own.

"Yeah." He agreed and smiled.

"Tell you what will cheer you up. I bet I can convince the DJ to play something just for us." He smirked slyly at Syed who lit up at the idea.

"Something cheesy and uplifting and really really gay." Syed instructed.

"You want something _gay_?" Philippe laughed. "You really have had too much jager."

"Oh come on I've never really done the gay thing, I've always kinda wanted to." He admitted. Philippe slung one arm around him and pulled him in tight.

"Than tonight shall be as gay as Dorothy's fan base!" he announced grandiosely.

"As queer as a four sided triangle." Syed joined in triumphantly.

"As bent as coat hanger!"

"As camp as a girl guides weekend!"

**!**

"Ugh." Syed whimpered as he lay out on the bed his feet at the pillow and his head flopping off towards the floor with both his hands. "I think I may have danced myself to death." Julian laughed at him and scooted over to look him in the face, somewhere a dog was barking but Syed couldn't really make much sense of it. "If I ever hear the sister scissors again it will be too soon." He whined and rolled over onto his stomach.

"How about a cup of coffee? My mum sent me all the non dairy creamer she steals from work." Julian tried to tempt Syed back to a sat up position but had pretty much drag him to that position.

"It's flammable." Syed muttered leaning his weight against Julian fully.

"What is?" he asked rubbing Syed's back stopping when Syed made a strange sound and lurched forward a little, when he looked back at him his face was a distinct green colour that was not normally seen on humans.

"Non dairy creamer." Syed informed him.

"Well then we won't set it on fire, will we?" Julian cooed at him. Syed looked about for a moment.

"Are we at your place?" he asked.

"Yes, don't you remember the cab ride?" Syed shock his head then stopped made another little noise and curled up his legs underneath him and rested his head just below his knees.

"We're on your bed aren't we?"

"Yes, Syed, we are." Julian replied patiently.

"Are we going to…y'know." Julian laughed at the suggestion.

"As tempting as that offer is Syed I doubt you're in a fit state for such things." He managed. "Now I get the over dose in alcohol, it's not everyday a guy gets divorced from his shame bride, but what was with the camp fest, that's not you." Julian rubbed one big thumb pad over Syed's forehead just visible from his cocoon.

"I wanted to prove that it's ok…to be gay…for me to be gay…it is isn't it?" Syed lifted his head and Julian pulled him close resting his head on his shoulder.

"Of course it is, Syed. But being gay isn't bell whistles and glow sticks, it's just part of what you are." He told him softly. "You are no more gay dancing to disco then you are to anything else. Ok? Now I have to go calm Bridges down before we wake the whole street. You get some sleep." Carefully he convinced Syed's body to change direction so he was laid out flat on the bed with his head on the pillows, he placed a bucket next to the bed and a tall glass of water on the bedside table. "I'll wake you in the morning." Syed snuffled into the pillows, he turned over and there in the corner of his vision was his Koran sitting sweetly next to a pile of other books somewhat comforted he fell into dreamless empty drunk sleep.

**Sorry this has taken me so long to update, I've been writing a something a bit weird recently that I have no intention of posting, but it was enough to distract me, also Christian is still annoying me and I don't want to write anything bad about him. I swear he used to be all sweet and understanding! Anyway I should update again soon as I know what's happening next. Oh and the creamer thing is true, trust me!**

**Kuroseed**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six: Two steps back

Syed woke up with a fuzzy mouth, a horrible taste in his mouth and the distinct feeling that he had for some reason chosen to pull every single one of his muscles at one time. Groaning he pulled himself up and looked right into a long thin very hairy face. Syed lifted himself up fully and allowed what he was now capable of identifying as a dog to survey him. Tentatively he reached out one hand and brushed down the coarse hairs of its head.

"I don't think I belong here." He told the dog who simply blinked at him. "In fact, I'm not one hundred per cent sure where _here_ is." He did a little mental check, he was still dressed, he still had his phone, he still had his wallet, and even though said wallet was empty he suspected spending rather than thievery to be the cause. It seemed wherever here was he had probably meant to come here. "But that doesn't really say much, does it." He told the dog, shifting its skinny body around the dog lay down with a plop onto Syed's chest, momentarily winding him. After a short moment the head followed and soon the dog was snoring away peacefully on the trapped Syed. His hands found the collar and the little metal disk that read 'Bridges'. Instantly Syed knew here he was. He flushed with embarrassment and cringed up into the dogs fur. Bridges shifted momentarily and allowed Syed to get up. Moving through the funk that was inside of him Syed found the kitchen. There was a plain silver kettle with a little post it note on the switch, Syed cocked his head and read it aloud. 'turn me on', absently he turned the switch, near it was a cup with two large scoops of instant coffee in the bottom, on the cup was posted 'pour water on me' next to it heaped up in a little pyramid were three non dairy creamers 'don't burn me' they said simply. Syed laughed as that little snippet of conversation came back to him. Lingering in the kitchen Syed eventually found the rather obvious note stuck to the fridge with a magnet.

'Morning,

Feel free to eat or drink anything in the house apart from Bridges' food (he doesn't share), there's a key in the bottom of the fruit bowl, just lock the door and post it back in through the letter box if you have to go. If not I will be back at two and I make an excellent nurse maid.

You're fragile so take care.

J'

Syed smiled happily to himself and put the note down. He fished his phone out of his pocket and rang Philippe, it took eight rings before an extremely groggy Philippe picked up his phone.

"Syed?" He asked as if it was the strangest thing in the world, his voice cracking and breaking as if there was a bad connection between his throat and mouth. "You ok?"

"Not remotely, I feel like you sound." He confessed and they shared a delicate laugh.

"What happened to you last night? You kept on insisting on dancing and then you fell or did I fall, well someone fell and then you were just gone."

"Julian took me home." Syed told him.

"Way to go Syed!" Syed had to hold the phone away from himself just a little bit to stop his head ringing. "I knew all that wait until we're ready stuff was all a lie no one could resist your NTLA."

"My what now?" Syed asked not sure if he even wanted to know as he sat down on one of Julian's kitchen chairs and sipped at his molten coffee.

"Your nice tight little ass!" Syed rolled his eyes at the comment. "So how was it? After all you're not little boys now?"

"We didn't. I had the bed all to myself; I don't even know where _he_ slept." Syed confessed.

"What? Really! You're a strange one Syed. You go home with a gorgeous lovely guy and after quite a lengthy hiatus from pleasure if you can be trusted on such matters and you _still_ sleep alone. I think I like that about you." Philippe confessed in turn. "So how come your calling then if not to dish the juicy gossip?"

"Well I don't know if I should leave or not."

"Did he leave you a note saying when he'd be back?" Philippe asked and there was run of water in the background followed by the click of a glass.

"Yeah and it says he's an excellent nurse maid."

"Well then he wants you to stay. Tell you what why don't you cook a meal for him as thanks. Though for the love of all that's pure and good in the world don't make a mess. My kitchen is still recovering from when you showed me how to make samosas."

"It wasn't that bad. Alright so I'll do the domestic thing, any other advice?"

"Just be yourself, Syed, your pretty damn great as is so relax. Talk to me when you get home."

"Ok, bye." He hung up and started to root through the cupboards.

**!**

By the time that two o'clock came around Syed was showered dressed, there had been a pile of clothes with a post it by a towel in the bathroom, and the house smelt of warm food. He stood by the door nervously as he heard the key rattle in the lock, next to him Bridges sat with an much anticipation. Julian opened the door and grinned at him before being forced to take the embrace of an excited lurcher. When Bridges was satisfied and walked off with a contended gait Julian took Syed into his arms for a bear hug.

"I was hoping you would still be here." He whispered into Syed's hair.

"Not only that I cooked." He smiled back against Julian's shoulder. Julian laughed slightly his body shaking slightly and rumbling through Syed's thinner frame.

"Do you know when the last time someone cooked for me was?" He asked pulling back just a little. Syed shook his head dutifully. "I can't even remember." He took Syed's wrist in his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. "Come on then I wanna see what Syed Masood master chef has prepared for me."

They sat and ate companionably in the kitchen, Syed asked about Julian's day, it turns out that there had been a mistake in dating one of the buildings and a whole heap of work was going to have to be redone. It was quiet, it was calm, and it was nice. Syed was very aware of the fact that he was dressed in Julian's clothes, the taller, wider mans frame meant that the brown jumper was draped over him and he'd had to pull the draw strings as tight as they would go on the jogging bottoms. But the smell was nice, warm with a slight hint of Julian's aftershave and the touch of the neutral smell of sanded wood from the sites. It was much better than stale smoke and beer that his own clothes were drenched in. After the meal they took Bridges out to a field nearby, Syed had fun watching as Bridges spirited ahead and then lay down exhausted waiting for them to catch up only to sprint off again the second they were parallel with him. A few other dog walkers gave Julian a little nod and looked at Syed with undeniable curiosity. Julian leant in and whispered in Syed's ear.

"Dog walkers, you have never met a more gossipy group. Trust me by the time we get to the gate every dog owner in the field will know that 'Bridges' dad' was seen with a handsome young man." Syed smiled at the compliment but said nothing, it was nice just to be here, out of the way, on this plain field watching as the different dogs met up with each other, the polite hello's and weather talk from the walkers. And when Julian took his hand he saw no reason to pull away. Even when his phone rang he ignored it, it was probably just Philippe wondering how he was doing, and letting anyone else in to this moment would spoil it. It was after four by the time they got back and Syed decided it was best if he went home. Julian offered to drive him but he refused, he quite liked taking the train it gave him time to think. But Syed accepted his offer of a lift to the station and even though it made him nervous to be in public he accepted Julian's kiss goodbye.

Syed sat looking out the window and suddenly remembered the phone call, he knew that Philippe would jokingly be disappointed in him but he wanted to share his happiness with someone. He looked at his phone, he had one voice mail, sighing to himself he opened it expecting to hear Philippe whining at being ignored.

"Hi, Sy." He nearly dropped the phone at Christian's voice and dumbly whispered back 'hi' to the recording. "It's Christian…" Syed laughed of course he knew who it was, like he could ever not recognise his voice. "I just wanted to apologise for not being there last night. I know how stressful your marriage for you and how important it is that your divorced now. I should have been there." His voice was serious and Syed could picture him sat talking into the phone his hand over his eyes and Syed's breath caught in his chest and he couldn't swallow. "I feel terrible. But if you feel like having a chat or a meal or anything give me a call. Bye." Syed hung up the line and put his phone away.

"Dammit." He whispered to himself earning a little look of concern from a young girl a few seats down. Less than half an hour ago he had been happy, ecstatic even from spending the day with a great guy who really liked him and was really good for him, he had been thinking about dog parks and home cooked meals, and post-it notes and all it had taken was one phone call, a sound bite of his voice and all there was in the world was Christian.

**!**

Christian checked his phone for what felt like the millionth time. Syed had not rung him back. He was probably busy, probably with him. Christian scowled, he didn't see what Syed even saw in that guy.

"Oh for the love of god would you please stop checking your phone." Roxy moaned dramatically, she was feeling a little delicate after last night's revelry and was in no mood for Christian's woes.

"I should have gone." Christian muttered to himself. Lee had filled him in on all the gossip already and Syed had last been spotted getting into a cab with 'his Russian'. "What does he even see in that guy?" Christian demanded of Roxy.

"Who? The Russian?" Roxy lifted her head and rubbed some smudged mascara from under her eyes. "I dunno maybe the fact that he's fit as." Christian shot her a warning look which she ignored. "Oh come on Christian, if you met him in a club you'd be handing him coffee on the way out the next morning. He's tall, exotic looking and those arms!" She grinned to herself before catching the look of genuine hurt in her friends face. "No where near as fit as you though, babe. You're still number one."

"Maybe it's just because he was his first. I mean that's big." He sighed and leant back into his sofa.

"Yeah." Roxy agreed half heartedly then she suddenly started to laugh. Christian tried to get her attention but she seemed off in her own little hilarious world so he threw a cushion at her. "Do you realise…" She smirked at him. "that when _you_ were losing _your _virginity Syed was a baby!" Christian grimaced and did the math, it was probably true. Sometimes he forgot how young Syed was, especially when he put on that serious adult like tone of his that usually meant that Christian was being particularly childish. He had been Syed's first real relationship, and if he was honest Syed had been his first as well. It almost wasn't fair, your not supposed to end up with the first person you ever really fall for because then you make all the stupid first time mistakes that everyone else got out of the way when they were teenagers. To make matters worse Christian had spent a lot of time daydreaming about what it could be like with him and Syed when they were sneaking about and breaking up all the time. Syed had probably been more focused on not letting anyone find out but he had spent his time imagining a life, a house, a kid, everything. And like always once he got an idea in his head he followed it pig headedly no matter what the cost. He sighed depressed to himself. No wonder Syed had been nervous about such things, they were huge steps in life. But instead of listening to him he got insulted that Syed didn't want these things with him. He hide his head in his hands and cursed softly, he was such an idiot.

"Ah babe, come on, lets go shopping or something, what do you say? Take your mind off it."

"Sure." He said defeated, resigned to be a talking bag holder for the day. "Why not." He checked his phone one last little time, there were no new messages.

**!**

Syed stared at Philippe with huge begging eyes and the other man looked away.

"Borneo?" Syed managed out through a croaky throat.

"Yeah I got the call today, it's a great opportunity, Syed, not to mention the money…well the money is _good_. And it'll only be for two weeks."

"Yeah but _Borneo_, why there?" Syed pouted automatically.

"Because there are lots and lots of bugs there for me to take pictures of, and you know I love bugs. The Yellow Birdwing is especially beautiful. I'll be back before you know it. And I'll bring you back something good I promise."

"But what if I need you." Syed whispered and the other man smirked.

"You don't need me, Syed. You _know_ what you need to do." Philippe had been surprisingly understanding about everything as Syed filled him in on the voice mail, he hadn't even joked once. "If you're still in love with Christian than you have to tell Julian before it's too late. Other than that, it's just business as usual. You _can_ go out without me, Syed." He reminded him.

"Yeah, I guess…or I could just hide out for two weeks." He moaned back, he meant it as a joke but when he heard it back in his head it seemed like a good idea.

**Ok a really short one and a bit angsty but all the fun starts in the next chapter so I wanted a clear break. I'll start the next chapter with Philippe coming home and seeing the mess that has happened. Finally coming nearer the end. Half written the next bit already so it shouldn't be long.**

**Kuroseed.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven: Two weeks of disaster

Syed was curled up in bed as he had been for the past two weeks ever since Philippe had decided to go to Borneo. Syed conveniently ignored the fact that this was Philippe's livelihood and passion and instead cursed his friend with every name under the sun for leaving him at such a point. Breaking up with Julian had been anticlimactic, sad certainly, but there was no screaming, no crying, just this empty feeling as he told him the truth and then a spread of cold guilt up his back until Julian had taken his hand gently and smiled sadly at him before whispering 'I think we were kidding ourselves a little.' It summed up how things had been with him since the beginning, calm, quiet, friendly and certainly there was attraction but no real fire and they both knew it. There wasn't much more to say but Syed desperately didn't want the inevitable 'So how's your Russian doing?' until his friend was there to hold his hand. Philippe had given him a call at ten o'clock so obviously he was back and itching to go out, but Syed, after reacquainting himself with his former love of being a homebody, was in no mood to leave his bed for anything. But just over an hour later when his phone rang again he reminded himself that he had missed his friend and by the fifth ring had managed to summon enough good feelings towards the man interrupting his time in bed that he found the courage to answer it.

"Evenin'." He yawned.

"Syed!" Philippe's voice was far too enthusiastic for someone who had just gotten back to England and Syed's good feelings were starting to fade and he was wondering if it was too impolite to just hang up. "I can't believe you didn't answer your friggin' phone you missed some _major _drama! I only _just_ heard now!" he was practically screaming down the phone. "Christian. Hit. Julian." Now that woke him up.

"What!"

**!**

Christian didn't want to get up. He was on his sofa nursing his rather swollen right hand. He felt like an idiot so whoever was braying on his door in the middle of the night could just bang at it until morning.

"Christian!" He jumped with guilt as he heard Syed's voice come through the door and he realised if there was one person he had to open the door to it was him. Gingerly he got to his feet and opened the door. Without so much as a word Syed pushed past him into the flat his eyes blazing with anger.

"I take it you heard." Christian muttered to himself.

"Damn right I heard. What the hell do you think you're doing?" He demanded and Christian let his head fall into his hands.

"Look, Sy. I can't…." He took a deep breath. "It's not my place to say but he's an idiot and he deserved it."

"So it's _not _your place to tell me why but it _is _your place to hit him? Christian you had no right to hit him. And I think I deserve to know why right now."

"He was cheating on you." Christian yelled back. "Ok? I saw him at a club kissing someone else."

"Oh and you just _had_ to stroll in and play the big hero didn't you!" Syed pushed out at his arm and rocked Christian backwards before he could catch himself. "Just waltz in without knowing any of the facts. What happens between me and Julian is none of your concern."

"So I should have just stood there and watched!" Christian yelled back.

"Frankly yes. I can take care of myself."

"Obviously not." Christian muttered and immediately wished he hadn't as Syed's face went darker than he would have thought possible.

"Hey, no one asked you to get involved." He said between his teeth hitting out again.

"So I'm supposed to just stand by and watch while that piece of shit cheats on you?" Christian demanded closing in on Syed staring at him right in the eyes.

"That is exactly what you're supposed to do and he wasn't cheating, we broke up, two weeks ago." Syed told him coldly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christian took another step forward breaking into Syed's personal space but he didn't move away. He could feel the frustration coming off him in waves see the anger fuelling his eyes making his chest rise and fall just that slight more than it would normally. As always, Syed was a truly beautiful creature in his anger.

"Because I am _not _your responsibly." Syed bit back. Christian took another step forward forcing Syed back until he touched the solid frame of the door trapping him where he stood. "That's what you said." Syed's voice cracked slightly and Christian didn't fail to notice the way his eye dipped slightly to move over his lips. Christian felt the heat of his anger shift south and he moved in crushing Syed between his body and door.

"I was wrong, Syed." He yanked up Syed's head holding him in place with a firm grip just the wrong side of painful. "You will _always _be my responsibility." He whispered and then he claimed him. He kissed him thoroughly taking his claim of him. Purposefully drawing out his air, bruising his lips, pushing hard into his body making it difficult to breath. Nipping and sucking at his neck hard enough to bring the blood up to the surface, no doubt leaving marks, little red pieces of evidence of this encounter, there would be no denying that this had happened. After all this time apart Christian wouldn't allow that. He looked up into Syed's eyes to make sure he was still with him, his eyes were huge and desire blown it wasn't the first time that Christian had been this forceful with him but it had been a while and that last thing he wanted to do was actually hurt or scare him. Syed gasped as Christian bit hard on his neck, twisting his body in an automatic reaction only to be pushed back hard his head making a small noise as it hit the door. Christian used his momentary distracted state to slide his hands under the blue T-shirt that he had been wearing and yank it up over his head messing his hair as he pulled the clothing up. Christian lowered his head kissing and nipping at the exposed flesh, retracing paths that he had once taken on a daily basis re learning the exquisite body in front of him. When his teeth grazed one nipple Syed let out a moan above him and he risked a peak at him. His head was thrown back exposing the line of his neck his skin quivering under every touch pressed up immobilised against the door to the flat silently begging Christian to do whatever he wanted to him. Christian couldn't help but think that he had come a long way from a guy who thought that it was adventurous to have sex with the lights on. Encouraged he went back to kissing those soft lips running his fingers over the stubble of his jaw, pulling back and making Syed follow him, seek him out, never getting what he wanted entirely. Greedily he pushed his crotch into Syed's, when he felt Syed's hips move to meet him he bit at his neck again, hard enough to leave little temporary impressions of his teeth in the skin and Syed stayed with him his hands coming up to grip at him tug uselessly at his shirt, it was enough to break him. He pushed Syed away a little but kept his eyes on him as he pulled off his own T-shirt watching as Syed's eyes followed every single contour of his body, tracing them with his eyes and his teeth catching his bottom lip as he stared. Unable to take it any more he pulled Syed's hand and dragged him towards the bed, tearing off his dark tight jeans before pushing him unceremoniously on the bed hard enough to send him bouncing back slightly before settling himself to lie there expectantly. Christian got rid of his own trousers and descended on him taking a brief moment to simply touch very inch of his skin against Syed's before kissing him again. He tried his best to ignore Syed's wandering hands threading through the hair on his chest stroking down his muscles pushing into the dip of his hip. Speeding things up he raked his hand down Syed's erection perhaps a little harder than was strictly necessary. But Syed simply moaned and pulled their bodies together, rubbing his body against Christian's impatient cock and making him shut his eyes momentarily as the sensation immobilised him. He tugged Syed's hands off from their position around his back and pressed them into the mattress above his head, his hands squeezing tightly leaving no argument over who was in charge. He just stared at him for a while as he kept him there his eyes taking in very single aspect of the man in his bed, the man who was back in his bed, back where he belonged. Syed looked back a little confused a little nervous but most of all getting impatient, he goaded Christian on with his eyes not wanting to break the almost eerie silence they had. He released one of Syed's hands to send a warm trail of touch down his chest then in-between his legs, spreading his thighs wider than was necessary and descending down ignoring Syed's erection pushing up from his body to underneath running down the cleft of his ass gently.

"Yes." Syed hissed out lifting his head to try and kiss Christian the tendons pulling out making tense lines down his neck as he exerted himself just for one little touch of lips against each other. Syed spread his legs and lifted his knees to give him greater access. But Christian pulled away grinning down smugly as he watched Syed's face move with frustration and desire. He scrambled for the lubricant in the bedside table and coated two fingers deliberately slowly and in Syed's line of sight, making sure he knew exactly what was coming next. Syed arched his back and moaned as the fingers entered him, pushing his body against the invasion, trying to set his own rhythm only to have Christian impose his own much faster one on him. Suddenly Christian stopped, Syed groaned in frustration and looked up. Christian stared back down at him, his face serious, he wanted to scoop him up in his arms to crush him to his chest and beg him never to leave again but he couldn't so he settled for lying his forehead against Syed's, pressing their sweat laced skin against each other before tilting his head and letting Syed close the distance between their lips. Christian resumed the preparing, slower this time, feeling Syed clench his hands on his biceps every time he brushed up against that spot inside him, feeling his body surge up with every thrust brushing their cocks together with easy friction. Suddenly Syed's hands were on his shoulders forcing his attention, he silently asked him what was wrong and the striking young man beneath him gasped out one word 'please', it was enough. He couldn't help the victorious grin that slide over his face as he spun Syed around and pressed him into the mattress and slid into him in one fast hard stroke that made Syed huff out a groan of surprise and pleasure. He remained there for a second unmoving, allowing himself to feel that hot tight body encase him, squeeze him in down his length. After what felt like an eternity he started to move, his mouth closing in hot bites at the back of Syed's neck making him moan and breathe heavily, sweat flattened curls of dark hair clung to his neck and stuck to Christian as he moved with him but he didn't push them aside. His hands were clutched tight enough on his hips to bruise him as he pushed in almost as if he was trying to bury his whole body into Syed's. With one skilful twist of his hips he found that spot inside Syed's body that drove him over the edge and unable to even touch himself Christian felt Syed come grinding out a curse word and then gasping for air. Christian gave a couple of raspy breaths against Syed's ear and emptied himself into him, clenching his hips as close into his body as he could. Sated he rolled off and pulled Syed with him latching both of his arms under Syed's armpits hard enough that even if Syed had any energy left he would have needed more strength than he had to break the hold. Christian started to become less and less aware of the world, everything sinking into this tiny bubble of Syed up against him, their slowing breathing and the slight tremor that ran through him as his body relaxed. More content than he had been in a long time Christian fell asleep.

**!**

Syed's phone woke him up. Vivaldi; that mean Tamwar. Slowly and as gently as he could he extracted himself from Christian's arm and slipped out of the bed to untangle his jeans and scramble through his pockets to find his phone before he woke up Christian.

"Tamwar." He whispered. "What's up?" He hadn't realised until that moment just how hard it was to whisper and sound nonchalant at the same time.

"Ugh why are you whispering?" His brother asked in a voice which seemed to blast through the phone and around the flat and Syed had to fight the impulse to shush his brother.

"I let a friend crash on my sofa last night and I don't want to wake him." It sounded plausible to him.

"That's funny cos I've been ringing tour flat for the last half an hour." Syed cringed at being caught. "Anyway that's not important right now. One of Afia's friends had an accident and I have to take her to see her at the hospital but I have Kamil. Could you come and watch him for me?"

"Ummm…I guess. Can you give me an hour maybe?" He really needed a shower before he sat with his younger brother.

"Syed, I need to go now if you can't then I'll just…"

"No, no, I'll be there as soon as I can." He assured him already slinking shamefully into his jeans, clearly Tamwar had inherited their mothers ability to guilt trip. "Ok I'll see you soon." He hung up before Tamwar even said goodbye and fastened his jeans. He tip toed to the bathroom and did the best he could in cleaning himself up. Catching his reflection in the mirror he noticed the rather obvious purple marks on his neck and he shook his head with mock disapproval, clearly Christian had become a vampire since they had split. Somewhat satisfied that he no longer smelt of sex and Christian he turned off the light and tip toed back through the flat giving one guilty look to Christian as he went. Sneaking out of Christian's flat was not new to him but he hadn't expected to ever have to do it again. He gave the sleeping man on the bed one long look and realised he had no idea what to do.

**!**

Christian woke up and there was no wait to remember why he was so happy. He could smell Sy on his covers. He had missed him. He had missed him so much and now he was going to make him a cup of coffee, whatever breakfast he wanted, even if he had to walk to France to get it, and then hopefully indulge in a nice long shower with him. At least that was the plan. His heart fell as he realised he was alone, he couldn't hear the low snuffly sound of Syed breathing couldn't sense the presence of another warm body in his bed. Glumly he opened his eyes; he was alone. He sighed loudly in the flat, he hadn't seen this one coming. Utterly crushed he rolled over and was surprised when it made a strange crunching noise. Confused he lifted himself up to see a piece of paper, obviously torn from the pad he kept by the phone, on it was Syed's delicate curled writing.

'Needed on urgent brother babysitting duty. Had to go. Talk later. Also I stole your scarf. S'

Christian examined it, it wasn't the most romantic of letters to receive after making love to someone but it at least wasn't a rejection. He grinned stupidly to his ceiling, this was defiantly progress.

**!**

Syed grinned at his little brother a respite from the knowing looks that Philippe had been giving him ever since he picked him up in the Phantom and took him back to Syed's flat with Kamil and his vast amount of supplies. He hadn't asked any questions yet but Syed could tell they were coming by the rise of his eyebrow every time Syed looked at him.

"So how was Borneo?" Syed asked him breaking the nerve wracking silence.

"How was Borneo?" His friend repeated back to him with a look of distinct amusement on his newly tanned face. "Borneo was great. Got some brilliant pictures. Saw things in their natural habitats that only a handful of people will ever see. Got paid an absolute mint to do something I love and yet I get home for one hour and you steal all my thunder." He mocked grinning away. His accent was thicker, Syed noticed, he must have been speaking French out there, either that or he had spoken to his mother. He considered asking but from the look on Philippe's face he wouldn't appreciate the change in subject as much as Syed would.

"Sorry." Syed whispered to the floor.

"It's ok." Philippe grinned at him openly and stroked one hand over Kamil's head as he sat between them on the sofa stuffing the ear of a stuffed rabbit in his mouth. "So have you spoken to Julian?" A stab of guilt went through him, he hadn't even checked he was ok. He shook his head not wanting to admit it out loud. "How about Christian?" Instantly the blood rushed to the top of his skin heating it and he swallowed feeling the scarf around his neck press against his throat as he did so. It smelt of Christian and he had to force down the images of last night as they threatened to replay themselves in his mind.

"Actually…" He nearly chickened out of telling him but it was obvious that something had happened and he knew Philippe he wasn't one to let it go. "I spent the night at his." Philippe's eyes went huge with glee and he edged in closer.

"So…tell me everything." He demanded, Syed threw a desperate warning look at Kamil and Philippe rolled his eyes. "Ok so not _everything_ just you know the bare bones of it all. Was it good?"

"It was…" Syed struggled to find the words for it, how could he make Philippe understand how Christian could stroke one hand down his arm and it felt like more than the entire sum of the rest of his sexual experiences. That being with him was this intoxicating mixture of comforting and terrifying, how it disassembled him and put him back different every time. "It was Christian." He said lamely and knew he must be smiling by the way Philippe chuckled.

"So what now? You guys back on again?" He asked.

"Who knows." Syed admitted with a shrug then thought about it for a moment. "No, not back on exactly, nearly on again…maybe."

"Do you want to be?" Syed looked at him shocked, how could he even ask that? It wasn't even a question. As pathetic as it may be, as much as Christian had hurt him this entire time all it would have taken was one little apology and he would have been his again.

"Yes." He replied bluntly as if there was no other possible answer. He looked back at Philippe who was now regarding him with suspicion. "What?" He asked.

"Well it's a little windy outside today but it's nice and warm in here." He said and Syed frowned wondering where this was going. "And I don't recall that item ever being in your wardrobe." He smirked and pointed with one hand to the scarf around Syed's neck. "Lemme see!" He lunged for Syed who tried to escape but failed.

**!**

Christian felt a bundle of nerves as he rang the buzzer for Syed's flat. He wasn't sure what was going to greet him after Syed's ambiguous little note.

"Hello?" Syed voice called electronically but beautiful through the intercom.

"Hi, it's me, can I come up?" he was suddenly wishing he had rung instead, what if Zianab was in there with him or Julian?

"Sure." Came the instant reply but nothing happened. Christian waited a minute before buzzing again. "Didn't work, eh?" Syed asked before cutting through himself. "I'll try again." There was a muffled little clatter and a gritted out 'sugar'.

"It's the green one." A voice called from the background quietly and Christian's gut hardened as he realised it was Syed's little playmate Philippe. "Geez Syed there's only three buttons on the whole thing." Then the buzzer sounded and he opened the door. Syed was waiting with the door open and he walked in with a polite hello to Philippe who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Obviously Syed had spilled about last night. Christian nearly laughed at how out of character that was; it sounded more like himself. After all how many nights had he sat with Roxy telling her the ins and outs of his relationship with Syed once they were out in the open. Instant remorse hit him as he realised that Syed had never had anyone to talk to about them. He had never thought that Syed might need to talk to anyone but him about their relationship, but he knew that sometimes the person your with is the hardest person to talk to about certain things. He felt some of the hatred towards Syed's friend melt.

"Hey Kamil, why don't you and I go to Syed's room and watch Blues Clues?" Philippe suggested throwing Syed a wink and scooping Kamil up in his arms. Christian watched Syed mouth 'thanks' to him and he softened a little more. Maybe he would have to give the guy a chance after all. Nervously Syed turned to Christian his eyes were huge and so unsure.

"Coffee?" He suggested with far too much enthusiasm and Christian had to fight back a chuckle as he nodded. He watched Syed in the kitchen moving about in little agitated motions, the slight twitch in his hands as he spooned coffee into his cup. He watched adoringly as Syed opened the cutlery draw swore at it slightly and then pretended not to notice as he stirred the coffee with the handle of a fork. When he handed his coffee to him their eyes met and Christian was reminded of that day so long ago now when James had cooked lunch and he had shared that little longing moment with Syed in the kitchen before dragging him in an alley. Christian tried to keep the heat out of his eyes but from the slight movement of Syed's lips he could tell he wasn't doing a good job. Gently he took the cup from Syed and laid it on the coffee table before unwrapping his own scarf from Syed's neck and looking at his marked neck with a mixture of smug pride and guilt. He stroked one finger over them and saw the little shiver run uncontrollably through Syed and felt him swallow hard against his hand.

"Sorry." He whispered gently. "Was I bit too rough?" His voice was slightly more gravelly than he had intended, he hadn't wanted it to seem so lust filled but it was hard with Syed before him so relaxed to his touch, so _there _after so long of being away. Shamefully Syed shook his head his eyes meeting Christian's with a confidence that he seemed to be pulling out of no where.

"So did you just come to get your scarf back?" he asked cheekily, a little fear belying the strength in his glaze. Christian was tempted to tease him but couldn't without putting his fears aside first.

"No." He answered simply. "You know, Sy, going to sleep with you and waking up alone was not something I cared to experience again." He ran his hand through Syed's hair, pulling it away from his face so he could take in his whole face, watching as his pink tongue flicked out over his lips. "I think you owe me." Syed's eyebrows arched upwards in surprise. "A date should cover it, a proper date." Syed looked at him then caught his bottom lip in his teeth as if he was considering it.

"I guess I could do that." He replied acting as casual as he could, the heat still in his eyes showing it was a lie. "But first there is something very important you have to do for me."

"Oh and what's that?" Christian asked closing the distance between them, his body anticipating doing whatever Syed asked of him. Forgetting that Philippe and Kamil were only in the next room.

"You have to apologise to Julian."

**Sorry for the smut (I hope it was ok) but I have been watching Dante's Cove and the Lair all week so just be glad that no gorgeous sex crazed gay vampires and warlocks showed up for no reason. So the lads are back together but things are still different between them and the next chapter will show Christian dealing with that. Also I liked Julian so I want to give him a little bit of happiness too so that will probably take up some of the next chapter. Hope this one wasn't **_**too**_** shallow, the next one should be sweeter rather than smut, but looking back over the episodes fighting did tend to lead inevitable to the bedroom for the boys. **

**Kuroseed**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: An unfortunate reflection

Tamwar was more than a little surprised to walk into Syed's flat and see Christian. Syed and Philippe sat on Syed's sofa with Kamil all vying for the small child's attention.

"Uh hi." He muttered to get there attention and they all swivelled to see him. His eyes kept flitting from Christian to Philippe to Syed. Christian shifted uncomfortably next to Syed on the sofa and gave a big grin but said nothing.

"Hi Tambo. How's Afia's friend?" Syed asked not moving from his position.

"Yeah she's ok, Afia's still with her."

"You want to stay and have a cup of tea or something?" He moved to get up but Tam stopped him by raising both his hands.

"No no, actually mum's been on the phone wondering where Kamil is." He admitted shakily.

"Probably best not to tell her he's been with me, eh?" Syed looked away.

"Yeah probably best."

"To be honest it's a good thing you did come now." Philippe broke in lifting Kamil from Syed's arms and getting to his feet. "Three more minuets and we'd have been re-enacting scenes from 'Three Men and a Baby'." He grinned and Syed looked at him thankfully for lightening the mood while getting up to gather Kamil's things. He handed them over to Tamwar and Philippe passed him his little brother.

"Thanks for this, Syed."

"It's ok, Tambo, any time." He stroked Kamil's head. "See ya buddy."

"You know me and Afia were going to go to the mosque later, if you fancy coming with us?" Tamwar asked hopefully, his eyes flicking up to his older brother from the younger one in his arms.

"No I have plans." Syed put on his best fake smile. "Maybe some other time." He lied.

"Yeah, well thanks again." Tamwar gave his brother an awkward hug with his arms very full and Syed smiled softly to himself. Once they were gone he turned back to his house guests. Christian kept giving little 'I would like this guy to leave looks' to Syed while Philippe was grinning to himself with an air of 'I ain't going no where'. Syed knew them both well and knew neither would want to leave the other with him alone. But there were practical things to consider like an upset and possibly hurt ex boyfriend across town that needed to be addressed. He sighed and tried to fill himself with an air of authority that would be enough to bring these two stubborn men into line. He glanced at his watch hoping that Julian would be at work and then it hit him.

"Dammit, Christian it's nearly nine, you've got to go open the gym!" He bleated out in shock. They had all been up so early and in such strange circumstances that it felt like mid day already and not twenty to nine. Christian dragged up his sleeve to look at his watch and his eyes went huge.

"Yeah, come on we'll go together." He added jumping to his feet a little panic in him that Syed wished he didn't find adorable.

"Umm…" Syed floundered slightly, his eyes shying away.

"Actually it's a Monday so Syed doesn't start till two." Philippe stepped in to his friends rescue. "Y'know even if you run you can't get back, change, and then get to the gym. Why don't I drive you? Then Syed can spend the morning with me, you always leave a spare uniform at mine so you might as well."

"Good idea!" Syed beamed at his friend, and before Christian could protest, the two young men were packing him out of the door.

**!**

A hour later Syed lay on his stomach in Philippe's flat, his hair wet from his shower and messy from the brief towel dry, he knew he probably should go and brush it before it dried in all kinds of crazy positions but he was too focused on the task at hand. Like a pair of teenagers Syed and Philippe were laid out barely a metre away from the huge imposing TV, controller in hand playing Crash Bandicoot 3 that Philippe had downloaded from the network onto his PS3, switching when they died. And at that moment there was no way Syed was going to let that stupid little bandicoot beat him.

"So Christian's flat was…" Philippe searched for the correct word.

"Gay?" Syed offered in a voice bland with distraction.

"Not the word that I was going to use but yeah, really really gay." Philippe laughed. "I mean that 'art' of his. Why doesn't he put up rainbow wallpaper and be done with it! I bet you hated it."

"Actually I never minded it, I guess I always felt…jump you idiot….safe at Christian's. Like when the door shut and it was just us no matter what was happening everything was going to be ok. It just felt like freedom. I'd never had that before." Syed confessed.

"So if Christian's place is your little safe house how come you looked like you were being fed to the lions when he suggested you come with him?"

"Because I still don't know what's going on. Where we are, what were doing and if I get in a room alone with him, well let's just say I won't be talking with him. I need to at the very least get things sorted with Julian before I even think of doing _that_ again."

"I don't get it Syed, your Mr. self restraint, and yeah Christian's good looking but well you've been alone with him loads since you split and always kept things PG 13."

"Yeah and the only thing keeping me from making a pathetic fool of myself was the thought that he would just push me…Dammit!" Syed cursed as Crash died. "That's no fair I had an uka uka." He protested.

"Ah but that means nothing when you fall into a hole." Philippe teased in a sing song voice taking the controlled off him and giving the screen his attention. Syed sighed forlornly before carrying on.

"Have you ever needed a person? Needed them so much that when they go to leave the room you want to cling onto them like a little kid? And then when you see them again you realise that you've been spending that time just waiting to see them again. I tried so hard not to need Christian, I had to give up everything I cared about for him and looking back I only regret I didn't do it sooner. But then he left me, and it nearly destroyed me. If I don't do this right this time it _will _destroy me." Philippe risked a look at his friend tilting his head to stare with concern at the TV lit face of the man next to him. "Snake!" At the warning cry Philippe jerked back and spun the snake out of the way just in time.

"Thanks." He muttered and Syed grinned next to him. "Well if you need a chaperone to keep them wild hormones in check you know where I am."

"I know." He paused for a moment watching Philippe jump and spin about the screen. "You know once when I had slept over at Christian's he asked me to get his buzzer for him and I picked it up and it was my mum!" Syed confided provoking little high pitched giggles from Philippe.

"What did you do?"

"Dropped it like a hot coal and legged it." He admitted smiling at the memory. With everything that was going on in his head he was glad for the distracted, he had forgotten that Philippe didn't know many of the Christian and Syed shenanigans. "Thankfully I didn't say hello of anything."

"I still remember the day my mother found my first ever porn mag." Syed drew in a tight breath through his teeth at the idea. "Yeah it a little bad, she sent me away to one of them 'pray out the gay' camps."

"Really?" Syed stared at the young man beside him his large eyes an even bigger contrast against his now darker skin. "What was it like?" Syed had seen adverts for them when he was looking for someone to cure him of his homosexuality but he had never even thought of someone he knew going to one.

"Well imagine thirty or so gay kids all grouped together and sent off to a secluded location in the woods. It was a bloody orgy half the time. Especially since half of them wouldn't have even had the opportunity to meet other gay kids. Needless to say Jesus did not save my soul as my mother wanted, I did however lose my virginity to a lovely camp councillor." Philippe gave Syed his best evil grin. "You have no idea how hard it is to say the lord's prayer, in French, whilst getting head." He flicked his tongue over his left fang wickedly and Syed couldn't help but laugh. He'd been a little put off by Philippe's rather blue sense of humour at first but by now he was used to it. He looked fondly at his friend and realised that if Christian ever gave him a chance they would get on like a house on fire.

**!**

At ten to two Syed walked into the gym and Christian couldn't help but rush up to him. Syed gave him the most stunning shy grin and fingered lightly at the scarf that was still around his neck.

"I know it's not part of my regulation uniform but I should probably keep this on." He whispered when he was in close. He smelt of the shower still, shampoo, mint and under it his own scent, Christian couldn't help but breath a little deeper trying to capture as much of him as he could.

"Well, considering everything, I suppose I can let you off this one time." Christian grinned back bowing down his head to get closer to Syed. "So what did you do this morning?" He had this strange impulse to know everything Syed had done since he had seen him, jealous of anyone or anything that had gotten to spend time with him while he had been here at this gym working when he could have been looking at Syed.

"Not much, me and Philippe played Crash Bandicoot and ate some nachos. Nothing exciting." Christian's stomach clenched at the thought of Philippe it was all his fault that he and Syed hadn't had a moment to themselves all morning. "How was work?" Christian opened his moth to reply and suddenly realised he couldn't think of a single thing that had happened, it was as if Syed had erased everything else merely by coming in the room.

"Fine." He muttered. "After we close do you want to go round and see Julian? I know it's not the ideal first date, believe me it's not what I would choose to do with you. But I know how important this is to you and I just want to get everything…cleared." Christian let one of his hands go to Syed's hair and stroke through the soft strands, after so long of forcing his hands to stay at his side it was a relief to let them play in those dark curls again.

"Thank you." Syed whispered back his eyes staring over Christian, a tell tale darkening in them told Christian what his mind was turning to at the merest touch of his hand in his hair. He watched him swallow hard and dip his eyes down over Christian's lips before going all the way to the floor. "Well I should go I've got a…a…a…"

"Client?" Christian offered smugly.

"Yeah!" Syed gave a little hysterical laugh. "That's what I meant. See ya."

"Yeah later." Christian let one of his hands linger on Syed's shoulder, after he had been given permission again he wasn't going to miss on opportunity, no matter how small or frivolous just to touch him.

**!**

Christian wasn't exactly thrilled at Philippe joining them on their little mission but he had been waiting outside leaning against his car and it would have looked very strange to refuse the offer of a lift. So all three of them stood outside Julian's house waiting for him to answer the doorbell. After a while he did, his left eye was purple and swollen and he fixed Christian with a cold hard look and refuse to let go.

"And what exactly do you want?" he asked darkly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I wanted to apologise," Christian started with a little poke from Syed. "I thought that you were cheating on Sy. It was stupid of me, I'm sorry."

"Fine, we about done here?" He questioned still only giving his attention to Christian.

"Julian, I am really sorry…" Syed started moving forward a little and invading the other man's space so much that he had to look at him, instantly his gaze softened a bit. "I didn't want to cause you any trouble."

"Ah, you didn't." Julian gave in to those huge brown eyes and Christian tried to hide a little smile, he knew that it was near impossible to resist Syed's wide eyed stare. "I just don't think that Brandon will ever talk to me again…"

"That was who you were kissing?" Syed's face fell in shock and horror.

"Yup." He admitted quietly.

"Oh, Julian, I am so sorry. Please do you have his number? Maybe I can explain things to him." Syed pleaded. Forlornly Julian shook his head.

"I know he lives in one of the blocks of flats on Gloucester Avenue in Camden, but I have no idea which." He muttered to his feet. Syed's face suddenly broke into a beam.

"We might be able to work with that. Philippe I'll need a lift, you two stay here hopefully we won't be long." He instructed them with his most serious face on.

"Syed you can't just check every block of flats, that's crazy!" Julian yelled at Syed as he started to scamper off with Philippe in tow leaving a bewildered Christian on the doorstep alone.

"Don't have to!" He called back. "I have connections!" Left blinking confuse at each other Julian opened his door wider and gestured inside.

"I suppose you had better come in." He offered.

"Shouldn't we go after them?" Christian asked but Julian just shrugged.

"Nah, you know Syed once he gets an idea in his head you can't shake it out of him, we'll just let him run out of steam on his own. Tea? Coffee?"

"Coffee please." Christian gave in with a slight slump of his shoulder, he looked back once he hated the idea of Syed out there doing god knows what but he knew he couldn't chase after him, whatever was going on between them was too fragile at the moment for him to risk upsetting him.

"So, you guys together again?" Julian asked passing a cup of coffee to Christian as a skinny shaggy dog inspected him and dubbed him not worthy of attention.

"I don't really know. But we're not apart anymore and that's something." He confessed.

"Hmmm…"He looked away and there was an awkward silence that made Christian fidget on the sofa.

"So Brandon..?"

"He's my Syed. I guess would be the simplest explanation. Though actually maybe he's more my Christian." He shrugged again.

"Look about the other night, I really am sorry. Punching guys in clubs….that's not me. But I just couldn't' bear the thought of anyone hurting him."

"That's a bit rich coming from you." He grumbled but then ran his hand over his face in a mini surrender. "But I understand." Suddenly he lifted his eyes to Christian and forced them to lock eyes. "In fact, if you hurt him this time _I'll_ probably hit _you_." He growled.

"I won't." He assured him but was only met by one cold harsh bark of a laugh.

"Can I ask you something, Christian?"

"Sure."

"Do you even know where Syed is right now in his head?" He asked bluntly.

"What do you mean?"

"When I came back and met him again I thought how much he had changed, and most of it, I assure you, is all an act. But there's something more. He's…he's so young to it all. Do you remember the first time you came out?" Christian nodded he knew what it was like, the pitfalls, thinking you had to live up to a certain image, act a certain way. Thinking that discovering this one thing about yourself changed who you were down to the core. He'd made his own share of mistakes in that stage of his life.

"Syed hasn't just come out though." He protested.

"Yeah, but when he did he had to deal with re-establishing his relationship with you, dealing with losing his entire family, and starting a whole new career. He never really just dealt with it. Well he is now and that will take him time. He doesn't know how to be gay and be the Syed that he thinks of himself as so he's made this new Syed to fill the gap. I don't know how long this new Syed is going to be around for but he needs help, Christian. And as much as it pains me to admit it, I think that has to come from you." He got up a second and when he came back he was holding something which Christian recognised instantly.

"Syed's Koran." Christian whispered.

"He threw it in the bin." Julian told him and he couldn't help but the blind shock going through him silencing anything he might have said. Julian remained where he was half holding it out to him but looking hesitantly. "Christian, when you look at Syed, what do you see?" He asked in a such a soft serious voice that Christian was reminded of Syed for a second. He thought about it.

"I see…I see the man I love." Christian finally answered. "Even when I was trying to be his friend, even when I was telling myself it was too hard when I looked at him that was all I saw." Julian's face lifted slightly into a smile.

"Tell him that. He'll want to hear it." He whispered and handed the book to Christian. "Now if you don't mind I'm going to do some work while we wait for the little explorers. The TV remote is on the side if you want to watch some. I can't imagine they'll be too long. Philippe will probably talk some sense into him after a while."

"That guy!" Christian scoffed and Julian looked at him a little surprised then repeated that same tiny amused grin.

"Yeah, you really don't know them do you? Don't let him fool you, Philippe isn't the problem, in fact I think he's the only thing that's been keeping him together, he just…well he puts his own experiences onto Syed and he forgets that things are different for everyone. But he's not your problem, the problem is Syed." With that he walked out of the room leaving an utterly confused Christian sat in the sofa with a cooling cup of coffee and an empty room.

**!**

Christian watched two and a half hours of TV before he got a ring from an unknown number.

"Helloooooooo!" Came a familiar voice over the phone and Christian was tempted to hang up on him.

"Philippe?" He asked tersely.

"That's me. Look we're in a bit of situation here, we need you big strong lads to come help us out. I'll text you the directions, see you soon!" Without even waiting for him to agree he hung up.

"Julian?" Chirstian called out through the house and was soon rewarded by the stoic Russian man's head popping around one of the doorways. "I just got a call from Philippe. Apparently we're needed."

"You mean they found him?" he asked perplexed.

"Don't know all I've been told is that we're needed." Christian shrugged. His phone vibrated in his hand and he looked at the somewhat wiggly directions on the text.

"Come on then, we'll take my car."

**!**

The first buzz was ignored the second however was answered by a very cheerful chorus of young men who exuberantly let them up.

"Are they drunk?" Christian asked Julian who shrugged.

"Probably." He rolled his eyes and headed up the stairs to where the door had been left ajar for them. Even from the hallway they could hear the inebriated singsong that was taking place. The three men were tunelessly singing some song that Christian had never heard of before in three different ad clashing keys. But when he caught sight of him his breath stilled in his chest. Syed looked enchanted by it, sat on the kitchen table between the other two, his eyes shut his head tilted back slightly conducting with his fingers as he sang the words.

"Nobody raise your voices ohohoh, just another night in nantes."

"Sy?" Christian called and he turned around immediately from his place on top of the kitchen table and grinned that huge smile of his. Immediately any thoughts apart for how much he loved this bewildering young man vanished.

"Just in time, you can lick me." He requested and offered his forearm to Christian.

"What?"

"For the salt." Philippe helpfully filled in.

"We're having tequila." A young blond man that Christian hoped was Brandon finished banishing the bottle like a man possessed then ran his eyes critically over Christian. "So this is him, eh?"

"Yup!" Syed nodded enthusiastically a rather smug look on his face. "isn't he handsome?"

"Nice to meet you, Mr Christian. I have heard a lot about you." Suddenly; sheepish he turned to Julian. "Including why you did what you did to my Julian. I'm sorry I stormed out and didn't give you a chance to explain." He hung his head and Julian immediately pushed his fingers into the wild mop of dusty blond hair. "Me and Syed have had a nice long chat though, he told me everything. I'm sorry I never saw things from your side, Julian, really I didn't realise until Syed explained…"

"It's ok, I should have tried harder." He muttered, the young man looked up at him with big dark blue eyes and then pulled him in close for a hug.

"Just don't let it happen again, ok." He reprimanded wagging his finger at him. "No more you got me? This si it now, you and me." He looked to Syed for support who nodded sagely, if incredibly inebriated.

"Well we should leave these two be, eh?" Philippe suggested taking one last shot for the road.

"Yeah, are you….are you going to be ok?" Syed asked Brandon seriously trying his best not to sway against the vast amount of alcohol that his inexperienced body had just consumed while Julian and Christian shared a worried look each wondering when the two men had become such good friends.

"Yeah, yeah I think we will." Brandon grinned looking up at Julian briefly before looking back. "Think about what I said, Syed, it's important." Syed's face fell slightly and Christian couldn't help but put a comforting arm around his shoulder.

"What's important?" he asked gently as he could. Syed looked at him for one long moment and then shook his head.

"Doesn't matter. Can we go out, please? You can call Roxy, we'll hit a club. Please?" Syed was looking at him with an expression that Christian remembered but it took him a while to place. It was the same look that Syed gave him when they were having there affair and Christian wanted to talk about their relationship and Syed just wanted to avoid the issue. He had given in time and time again back then and he was no stronger now.

"Sure." He caved and Syed smiled in relief. "Besides if I remember correctly someone asked me to lick them." He growled in Syed's ear making him giggle, whatever was the matter would still be there tomorrow when he wasn't drunk and they we're in company Christian told himself as they left Brandon's' flat leaving him with Julian. All that was important for now was that Syed was near him, was with him. When they were together there wasn't anything they couldn't handle.

**Sorry it's been a while but I got a new computer and had to come to terms with it. The song that Syed was singing was Beirut's 'nantes' and is brilliant. I'm sorry not much happened in this one, the next chapter is going to have the conversation that I missed out in this chapter with Syed and Brandon and hopefully won't take me so long. Thank you everyone for your reviews!**

**Kuroseed**


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